Chapter 01

• When Garvin asked me to marry him, I asked no questions, I had no fears either. I had no doubt he is the man I wanted to spend forever with.
• Garvin and I met whilst we were in varsity, he was two years ahead of me. Whilst studying to be a doctor, I was studying to be a nurse. What we had was something perfect from the start, we looked the part and behaved the part. He spoiled me rotten through out our dating years and even when we got engaged, the engagement itself is something that people still talk about up to now.
• My mother died when giving birth to my twin sister and I, my father never took it lightly and so he dedicated his entire energies to raising us and working as hard as he could. Bailey and I are identical twins, you could never tell us apart unless of course you know us, when we turned sixteen; dad’s young sister in the UK got her and she has been there since. She is carefree, the total opposite of myself, at twenty-seven she doesn’t have a man to call her own.
• She says dating is pressure, she would never subject herself to one man because men are generally work. Talk about marriage, when I announced the engagement to her she thought I had lost it, she couldn’t understand why at twenty three I was deciding to tie myself to a man when I had good papers and could make anything out of my life.
• She studied interior designing and she is one of the best in UK, her work is known in that part of the world and even though I have begged her more than once to return home she keeps refusing. In her words the only way she is returning is in her casket, to be buried back home. The last time she was here was six years ago when dad passed, and even so she just attended the burial and left. She never even got to meet my husband, except he knows about her and I don’t talk much when it comes to her life.
• I look at the time for the millionth time when sleep hits me again, it is really late and Garvin has not been picking up my calls. I am guessing he is in surgery or something, four years later and we are still in love but love is just never enough.
• If someone had told me what marriage really involves, I would have thought twice about it. I wish someone had told me about the cold nights when your spouse is out working, the colder nights when he is in your bed and yet the distance between the two of you is unbreakable. I wish someone had warned me about the days he would skip home cooked meals all because he was held up at work and couldn’t make it for lunch, about the times he would take lightly his secretary packing him breakfast when the woman knows her real intentions. No one ever prepared me for these things.
• We have been trying for a baby the past two years now, but it has all been in vain. We have both been checked several times and our doctor says we are fine but I just don’t understand why we have to be here, our communication has always been good but for the past one year we keep drifting apart and to me it looks like he can’t even notice it. I have tried talking to him more than once but it doesn’t seem to improve.
• We don’t even go out like we used to because he is ever working, even when he is home; his mind is at the hospital. I was very happy for him after being appointed senior doctor for Lusaka trust hospital I just didn’t know that it would be this bad, it started small but as time has gone by it has worsened and I must say I am at the edge of giving up. Except that is my greatest fear, my life revolves around him I wouldn’t even know where to start from.
• When the clock hits midnight, I stand up from the bed and switch off all the lights in the house, the food has been left on the dining table with the present that I have bought for him for our fourth anniversary.
• I go to the bedroom and get out of the lingerie that I was wearing, I guess I was only wearing it for myself. I get into my onesie and tuck into bed before closing my eyes. For the next two hours I toss and turn but I still can’t seem to sleep.
• It is only after three that I hear him walk into the bedroom.
• ‘Babe I am sorry.’ He begins
• ‘For what?’
• ‘I forgot about our anniversary; but I promise to make it up to you.’
• ‘Garvin it’s just an anniversary, allow me to sleep.’ I say without even looking at him.
• I don’t even bother asking him where he is coming from, I am done fighting. If anything, there is no more fight left in me, at this point I just want some air.
• A few minutes later I hear running water in the bathroom, he is probably taking a bath.
• I don’t hear him when he joins me in bed but I wake up to the smell of food hours later.
• ‘Good afternoon babe.’ He says when I open my eyes
• ‘Afternoon?’ I ask reaching for my phone
• ‘You slept hard and I didn’t want to disturb you, you looked so peaceful.’ He says with a huge smile
• I smile at him, Garvin is one good looking man at times it is hard to stay mad at him.
• ‘I made us lunch.’ He says fixing the beddings so that he is able to serve me in bed
• ‘You cooked?’ I ask
• ‘Of course I did.’
• I look at him with suspicion, he hasn’t cooked for me ever since he started getting busy and I was getting used to that kind of life style. I dig into the food and I must confess it is really nice, or maybe I just missed his food.
• He keeps telling me about what has been happening in his life the past few days and it feel like old times, he gets his phone too and starts showing me funny videos which crack me up until a message pops up.
• ‘Babe you need to loosen up, give us a chance. I love you.’ The message reads
• What was a happy moment turns cold, none of us saying a word to the other until I excuse myself.
• ‘Lee it’s not what you think.’ He says
• I just smile then kiss his forehead, ‘Garvin you are a grown up, I hope you get your fair share at the end of the day.’ I say then walk to the bathroom.