"Love? You love me? That’s what you call love? To hurt me? To cause me pain every day of my life? I am also a human being, Peter, I have emotions and feelings, and I got hurt too." I cried while holding his arms, so he stopped in his tracks and turned to me.
"Why? I also love you... but I just really love her more. And wait, why? Are you the only one who is having a hard time in this relationship?Shouldn't I be the one to complain, because you just turned me around!”he sighed as he waved his arm causing me to release him. But with the extreme emotion I felt because of what he just said, I was able to push him away.
“Then it’s true, that everything was just a show! You don’t really love me, you were just forced to marry me because you got me pregnant!” I said to him while I was still crying.
“Yes, yes, yes! Now you heard it, it’s all just a show because I don't want to ruin the name of our family because of your stupidity!”And he pushed me hard causing me to be out of balance and fall to the floor, so I felt a sudden pain in my hip at the same time as blood flowed — blood from my private parts. I started to cry, because of the pain and the anger that now I feel. I was just holding my five months old baby bump, crying while watching the relentless flow of red liquid — my son.
I could feel Peter approaching me but I just shot him a very bad look, "What? Don’t you dare come near me! You really are an animal Peter! You only thought that I am just some dirty whores who let myself impregnate by you. You know what? Now I wish - I wish that I shouldn't have chose to love someone like you," weak words came out of my mouth as my tears flowed—
"And–cut!" Direk Gino shouted. And Farhan, my co-actor that I was with in the scene earlier, immediately led me upright .
He smiled at me, " Great job, Avi. You're great, I was taken back there," he praised and I just smiled back to him for a response.
"That's great, darling! That’s why you are one of my favorite actresses to work along with in films and series. You are such a gem to this industry," Direk Gino praised me and as a response I just smiled and turned my back at him.
I took the fake womb of a pregnant woman I was wearing earlier and I also changed my clothes, I am here in my dressing room and fixing my face, because I'm off to go somewhere, because the tapings are also done and my photoshoot today so I will go out and pamper myself from a tiring day.
"Where are you going again?" I glanced at the reflection in the mirror of the person who had just entered, and I did not answer her question, and proceeded to fix myself.
"Mom! What again? We all know that you already knew where I am going and it’s in Starry Hub. I am just going there when I am tired of your nagging and such at me.”
Is it harsh? I didn't care, and I stared at her.
"Starry hub? And what, you will spread your bad attitude there again?" she nagged and looked at me sharply.
"Spread my bad attitude? Well I just got it from you, don’t you remember? And it’s not my fault that the paparazzi always wanted to follow me around and talk shits about me. Anyway, you should already know the price of being a famous personality because you are the one who put me in this situation, first of all,” I sarcastically said to her.
At the age of 5 years old, I am already the face of shampoo commercials, baby soap, perfume and many more – I am in demand in those companies because I am a cute and bubbly kid. And in addition, I am the daughter of Avalon Alejandro, a beauty queen and a fallen star because she got pregnant without knowing who the father is. Yeah, I am that child, and I have no father – an illegitimate child. I don't know how I was formed, I don't know how my flirtatious mother made me and brought me to life. But believe me, she knows that, she really knew who was my father –anyway who's going to have sex with someone you don't know, right?
It's just that I don't value knowing that thing anymore, because in my 25 years in this world, I survived without a recognized father. And I'm just thankful to my witchy mother, that she didn't even get married or have a boyfriend until this instant. She was a good parent to me, a good mother that was just focused on me. Anyway, who wouldn't focus on her famous daughter when she can buy everything she wants with the money I earn from acting and modeling. In short, I am a capital to her that must be nurtured to grow - an investment.
She stepped closer to my back, and gently combed my long hair. I let her, I stopped talking and just continued to put some mascara on my eyelashes.
"But that's also for you, Avi. I just want you to enjoy what I didn't enjoy when I was young. I hope -"
Her speech was interrupted when I suddenly stood up and took my bag that was lying on the vanity table. I was about to leave the dressing room when I turned to her again.
"What?, hopefully to understand you, that what you are doing is just for me? Is it really for me or for your lost dreams when you became pregnant with me? You made me responsible to get the fame you wanted before. Yes at first, it was fun, fun to be the center of attention of the public. But I am already getting tired of it, Ma, I am tired of following the camera’s motion. And actually this is not what I dreamed of to be,” I said.
“Then what's your dream? To study? Be an accountant, handle other people's money? Is that how you want to be, ha! You won't be successful there."
And I was surprised when she threw the comb she was holding earlier to one side. That’s my mom, a psychotic bitch! But I am crazier than her, so I smirked at her and replied,
“Unlike this, I am getting older, stupid and naïve, just living by performing a character’s life in series and films. And the only thing in my brain is the manuscript of my new projects. Anyway, whatever! You're ruining my good night." And I turned away, I didn't realize that there were tears in my eyes.
What am I really fighting for? Nothing. Maybe I'm just being burned out of my life that was just revolving around popularity, I am getting fed up with it.
Well, I'm just going to party all night to forget this shits running on my head.
When I entered the Starry hub, an exclusive party place here in Metro, loud music immediately greeted me and people dancing, drinking with friends and couples having fun. So I went straight to the private area where my friends were already sitting and also drinking. Oh well, I also have friends, just plastics, but at least I have friends.
What? It's true, in the world I live in, there are only a few people you can tell that are true to you, you're lucky if you have, but if you don't then you also need to be able to adapt because if you don't, you will definitely be left behind.
I need to, I have to pretend that I want to go around with them. Because I am afraid to be alone, I am afraid to be left alone. I feel like I’m drowning in my own emotions when I’m all alone. And this is what it caused me when I got used to the attention that people around me were giving.
I passed by the bar counter, where a beautiful woman was there and she was drunk, I am not sure but I think maybe. She laughed out loud and ordered nonstop wine. I would have approached her because it seems like she's kinda problematic about something but then I'm not that kind of person, interfering with the lives of others. So I just went straight to where my friends were.
"So, where's Avi?" I heard Ciara asked, a diva, an actress who has always been compared to me. A total b-i-t-c-h! I don't like to be with her but then she's also a friend of my considered friends, so I have no choice but to join them, instead of me mumbling alone to one side, I just chose to be with them.
"What?" I said and they looked back at my direction, there were four of us in the group.
I sat on the single couch that was there as if I owned the world, just kidding. Well, I looked at them.
"I thought something bad just happened to you, because you're late for the first time for night outs like this," she said. I just smirked out and took off my sunglasses, Yes. It's night and it's dark here inside the Starry hub, but I'm wearing sunglasses, so what. That's really it, the perks of being a famous actress. I handed over the glass of Gwen's Jack Daniels wine she offered to me and sipped it, before speaking.
"I thought you also drowned in the Pasig River… But then I remember, you were a plastic and that kind of you just float." My sarcastic response to Ciara that made her frown while the two just smiled.
She did not answer and just silently drank the wine in her glass. While I was just looking around, when a young woman approached our area, I think she was only 18 yrs old. She was holding a pentel pen and a magazine. I just looked at her with my eyebrows still raised. She just stands by my side, so I think I'm really the one she's after.
"Yes?" I said without a smile, I saw the change in her expression, she looked scared of me.
"C-can I have your autograph, Ms. Avianna? I really idolized you, you are so beautiful and perfect," she stammered and complimented me as an actress. Gosh, that's what she only wants, just a little thing for me not to grant it.
"Sure." And she handed me the magazine that had my face on the cover page.
"Can I also take a picture with you?" I just nodded in response, after that she left as well. Many more would have wanted to come close to also have my autograph and to take a picture with me but Gigi already called a bouncer to stop them. Which is good, 'cause com'on this is the only time I could rest from all my busy schedules, and then they come closer and nag me, they should just go to my mall shows and guestings for it though.
Ciara was just staring at me, so I raised an eyebrow at her.
"What are you looking at? You're envious again, tss," I said so she just looked away, feeling guilty of what I just told her.
"Enough you two, let's just dance and have some fun tonight! The sound is so good. Let's go!" Gwen cheered and Gigi stood up together with her. Well, will I just sit here and watch them enjoy the night? Of course not. So I got up too and went to the dance floor with them.
I am swaying my hips along with the music. I know we're already grabbing some attention in the crowd, especially me. Well, who doesn't know me? I'm Avianna Alejandro, the famous actress. But I didn't care at all, and was just enjoying the accompaniment of the music, when suddenly someone grabbed my left hand, and I had no choice but to drift away with him because of the speed of events.
The fuck? Who is this man… kissing me like it's the end of the world, and I have nothing else to do but to kiss him back with the same intensity and pressure.
It's like we're in a television series or a romantic movie, I'm the heroine and him? Of course he is the male protagonist.
And I really clung to his neck to make our kiss even more intense and deep.
Maybe it's the end of the world because it seems like I want to have sex with this hot beast, I don't even know who.
You know the feeling that even if the world collapses tomorrow, it's okay! At least I experienced my narrow cave to be entered by this delicious cave man.