Chapter 1

• I loved the way her breasts lay on her chest. I drew my finger along the bottom of one, the soft flesh yielding, but firmly rebounding. I continued under the other, and caught her smile out of the corner of my eye. I looked at her untidy brown curls splayed on the pillow. Her eyes were on mine, soft love had replaced the fiery passion of only moments ago. Dimples formed on her cheeks as her smile grew. The dim light from the dying embers in the hearth gave her a serenity that warmed me greatly. It was these moments I cherished, when our desires were sated and all that was left was a blanket of love.
• "I will miss this, my Lord," Alia whispered. I flopped down onto my pillow, the mood broken by thoughts I wished would disappear. She rose on her elbow, her smile gone. "You must send me away."
• "I do not wish to think upon it," I responded. Duty demanded that I did; my heart demanded that I did not. I looked back at Alia's angelic face. Her eyes were forlorn and her moist lips so inviting. A comedy of pain and pleasure, the cradle of my desire. "I will find a way." Her hand glided across my chest, igniting my soul and begging me to ignore my lineage. A life without her was unthinkable.
• "There is no other way, my Lord," Alia insisted. I hated the honorific on her lips. She was merged to my life, not the chambermaid she played at during the day.
• "Just tonight, can you call me Cayden?" I knew Alia's answer before I spoke. It was a futile request. She would never risk the practice. An inadvertent slip of the tongue outside the bedchamber would cause too much strife. She leaned into me, her lips touching mine. Lips that could melt away any worriment. How could I send her away? Gods! I must find a way.
• "No, my Lord, I will not." Alia had kissed me first to soften the denial. I could have her imprisoned for denying the crown prince. I flirted with the idea, her in chains awaiting my pleasure. It passed quickly. I pulled her atop me and our tongues joined and passion grew again. "My Lord is not done with me," she quipped while reaching between my legs to stroke my fire anew.
• "I will never be done," I said firmly. I was not sure Alia understood my love or my conviction. I was always worried she considered herself my play thing, just a dalliance until something better came along. "You are my heart, my love."
• I smiled, remembering my awkward attempts at seducing her so many years ago. I had laid awake at night, unable to sleep or think of anything else. The foolish plans I had devised to make sure I found myself alone with her. Her constant rejections and the night she finally surrendered. I gave her my heart that night and she never gave it back. I wanted no one else. My birthright, however, demanded another.
• Alia raised her hips and guided me into her. The warmth of heaven engulfed me, forcing the breath from my chest. She settled herself onto my hips and her eyes welled. I could see the love written on her face, in the forming tears. I reached up and tenderly wiped away the tear that was threatening to travel down her cheek. She collapsed onto me, burying her head into my shoulder to hide more tears. I wrapped my arms around her and felt the shuddering as she breathed.
• "I love you too, Cayden," Alia whispered. My eyes welled at the name I thought she would never utter. I knew then she believed it would be the last time we would hold each other. I prayed it would not. We lay coupled, grieving for what was to change. I could not promise it would not change, my life not wholly my own. I kissed her ear and then her neck and we made love slowly, hoping beyond hope this would not be the end, but knowing it may be. I had to find a way.
• *****
• "Sire!" I heard an insistent pounding at the door. "His majesty comes, Sire!" My mind awakened quickly. I looked around the bed and Alia was already gone. I was both relieved and disappointed. Perhaps, if my father would find us, I could demand love over duty. I sighed and grabbed my robe, a huge ugly thing made to warm an elephant. I had no idea why I needed to look regal in my own chamber.
• "I am awakened," I called. Lucius burst into the room with a harried look. "She is gone," I added quietly. His pace slowed and he nodded as he began to straighten the bed. Lucius, my steward, my friend and the one I trusted after Alia herself. He did not speak knowing what day it was. He knew my thoughts and respected my pain.
• "Gods! Boy! The lead riders have already arrived," my father's booming voice echoed louder in my head. Of course he was dressed, the sun was peaking above the horizon and the king never wasted daylight. He was wearing a plain red tunic that reached to his knees, but would be impressive under the fancy doublet he would add later. I could tell his beard and hair had been recently trimmed. Some gray continued to fester under his chin, but he wore it with a distinguished grace. I hoped to emulate his bearing, someday. I saw his nose wrinkle and knew I should have woken earlier and aired the chamber. He saw nothing, but he knew what it was that he smelled.
• "Bathe quickly," the king instructed cursedly, "you would do well not to insult your new bride." He paced closer, his eyes narrowed. "Your actions now represent a kingdom. Everything you do will be measured. I will present a future king, not a brooding child." I stood my ground as a future king should. My father's love rarely rose above duty. He expected the same from me. I took a deep breath. My mind raced through a series of childish responses and declarations of love. I settled on duty.
• "The kingdom deserves no less," I responded, "I will endeavor to improve for its sake and yours." It was the truth, at least until I would see Alia again. I needed to place duty above my heart. Absorbing Father's ethos in words was easy. The deeds were where I was found wanting. My father placed his hand on my shoulder, and I saw his eyes change back to the ones I knew as a child. My words had convinced him. I wished they had convinced me.
• "It is hard, what we ask of you. You are strong. I see it in how you carry yourself." The king dropped his arm and turned toward the hearth. Lucius was busy staying out of the way. "Know that I have pride in you. I was young once myself, though you may find it hard to believe." It had been a long time since my father had spoken to me in a non-kingly manner. He usually left that to Mother. I was touched and desired more. "Your life will change and only your bearing will make it seem...comfortable." He turned back toward me, his arms clasped behind his back. "I know what you must give up." He knew about Alia! My mind whirled at the thought. "I leave it to you to settle it, though I will not deny I wished it were done earlier." He moved closer, and, for the first time since I was a small child, whispered in my ear, "She will want for nothing; a king could do no less." He patted my shoulder again and walked out of the room.
• "Thank you, Father," I said. The king nodded and continued walking. There was not going to be a solution that favored my heart. Only a solution that favored the kingdom. I looked at Lucius who was as surprised as I the king allowed him to remain present. If my father knew about Alia, then he knew Lucius was in my confidence. Maybe he was informing us both. I slumped onto the bed.
• "It will be hard," I spoke openly to Lucius, "sending her away. I promised I would find another way." The truth was painful. I felt like I had failed Alia. I knew I was failing myself.
• "She always knew, Sire."
• "I did not."
• "I will start your bath," Lucius said, never letting me ignore my duty. "Think on it, Sire. I will help how I can." I rose and squared my shoulders. There was nothing to be done about it. I was who I was, torn heart and all. I could contain the misery inside. I had to. There was no other choice. It would only be for a single lifetime. Such a short time in the scheme of all that had come before.
• "A bath? Yes, thank you, Lucius," I said with bearing. I dropped to Alia's pillow once Lucius had left. I breathed deeply, her scent still imbedded. 'Forgive me, my love. I have failed us both.' I stood and headed toward the bathing chamber. The kingdom desired a clean prince. It shall have one. It shall have me any way it desired. It is only my desire that will remain unfulfilled. Such a small cost for peace and stability. I just wished it did not hurt so.
• It could not have been a nicer day to seal one's fate. The weather was tolerable for being so near winter. The sky was blue with large white clouds lumbering slowly across the heavens. A ceremonial guard was assembled in the main bailey, twenty men dressed in chainmail with red tunics emblazoned with a large gold lion. The same lion flapped in the wind on banners secured atop the six spires and two more atop the gatehouse. I wore a similar tunic, only with the lion smaller and over my left breast. My tunic was held tight by a belt made of gold rings, my badge of office as heir to the throne. I stood a step to my father's right and one step behind. Next to him, my mother was looking regal in a long white gown tied close with a red sash. Above her left breast lay a large brooch depicting the same lion that permeated the castle. Only my father was without a lion. He was the Lion.