Chapter 42 How suits at law are bred at first, and how they come afterward_o their perfect growth
For this cause, quoth Bridlegoose, going on in his discourse, I temporize an_pply myself to the times, as your other worships use to do, waiting patientl_or the maturity of the process, full growth and perfection thereof in all it_embers, to wit, the writings and the bags. Arg. in l. si major. c. commun.
divid. et de cons. di. 1. c. solemnitates, et ibi gl. A suit in law at it_roduction, birth, and first beginning, seemeth to me, as unto your othe_orships, shapeless, without form or fashion, incomplete, ugly and imperfect,
even as a bear at his first coming into the world hath neither hands, skin,
hair, nor head, but is merely an inform, rude, and ill-favoured piece and lum_f flesh, and would remain still so, if his dam, out of the abundance of he_ffection to her hopeful cub, did not with much licking put his members int_hat figure and shape which nature had provided for those of an arctic an_rsinal kind; ut not. Doct. ff. ad l. Aquil. l. 3. in fin. Just so do I see,
as your other worships do, processes and suits in law, at their first bringin_orth, to be numberless, without shape, deformed, and disfigured, for tha_hen they consist only of one or two writings, or copies of instruments,
through which defect they appear unto me, as to your other worships, foul,
loathsome, filthy, and misshapen beasts. But when there are heaps of thes_egiformal papers packed, piled, laid up together, impoked, insatchelled, an_ut up in bags, then is it that with a good reason we may term that suit, t_hich, as pieces, parcels, parts, portions, and members thereof, they d_ertain and belong, well-formed and fashioned, big-limbed, strong-set, and i_ll and each of its dimensions most completely membered. Because forma da_sse. rei. l. si is qui. ff. ad leg. Falcid. in c. cum dilecta. de rescript.
Barbat. consil. 12. lib. 2, and before him, Baldus, in c. ult. extra. d_onsuet. et l. Julianus ad exhib. ff. et l. quaesitum. ff. de leg. 3. Th_anner is such as is set down in gl. p. quaest. 1. c. Paulus.
Debile principium melior fortuna sequetur.
Like your other worships, also the sergeants, catchpoles, pursuivants,
pregnotaries, secondaries, and expedanean judges, de quibus tit. est. l. 3.
c., by sucking very much, and that exceeding forcibly, and licking at th_urses of the pleading parties, they, to the suits already begot an_ngendered, form, fashion, and frame head, feet, claws, talons, beaks, bills,
teeth, hands, veins, sinews, arteries, muscles, humours, and so forth, throug_ll the similary and dissimilary parts of the whole; which parts, particles,
pendicles, and appurtenances are the law pokes and bags, gl. de cons. d. 4. c.
accepisti. Qualis vestis erit, talia corda gerit. Hic notandum est, that i_his respect the pleaders, litigants, and law-suitors are happier than th_fficers, ministers, and administrators of justice. For beatius est dare qua_ccipere. ff. commun. l. 3. extra. de celebr. Miss. c. cum Marthae. et 24.
quaest. 1. cap. Od. gl.
Affectum dantis pensat censura tonantis.
Thus becometh the action or process by their care and industry to be of _omplete and goodly bulk, well shaped, framed, formed, and fashioned accordin_o the canonical gloss.
Accipe, sume, cape, sunt verba placentia Papae.
Which speech hath been more clearly explained by Albert de Ros, in verbo Roma.
Roma manus rodit, quas rodere non valet, odit.
Dantes custodit, non dantes spernit, et odit.
The reason whereof is thought to be this:
Ad praesens ova cras pullis sunt meliora.
ut est gl. in l. quum hi. ff. de transact. Nor is this all; for th_nconvenience of the contrary is set down in gloss. c. de allu. l. fin.
Quum labor in damno est, crescit mortalis egestas.
In confirmation whereof we find that the true etymology and exposition of th_ord process is purchase, viz. of good store of money to the lawyers, and o_any pokes—id est, prou-sacks—to the pleaders, upon which subject we have mos_elestial quips, gibes, and girds.
Item gl. in cap. illud extrem. de praesumpt. et c. de prob. l. instrum. l. no_pistolis. l. non nudis.
Et si non prosunt singula, multa juvant.
Yea but, asked Trinquamelle, how do you proceed, my friend, in crimina_auses, the culpable and guilty party being taken and seized upon flagrant_rimine? Even as your other worships use to do, answered Bridlegoose. First, _ermit the plaintiff to depart from the court, enjoining him not to presume t_eturn thither till he preallably should have taken a good sound and profoun_leep, which is to serve for the prime entry and introduction to the lega_arrying on of the business. In the next place, a formal report is to be mad_o me of his having slept. Thirdly, I issue forth a warrant to convene hi_efore me. Fourthly, he is to produce a sufficient and authentic attestatio_f his having thoroughly and entirely slept, conform to the Gloss. 37. Quest.
7. c. Si quis cum.
Quandoque bonus dormitat Homerus.
Being thus far advanced in the formality of the process, I find that thi_onsopiating act engendereth another act, whence ariseth the articulating of _ember. That again produceth a third act, fashionative of another member;
which third bringing forth a fourth, procreative of another act. New member_n a no fewer number are shapen and framed, one still breeding and begettin_nother—as, link after link, the coat of mail at length is made—till thus,
piece after piece, by little and little, by information upon information, th_rocess be completely well formed and perfect in all his members. Finally,
having proceeded this length, I have recourse to my dice, nor is it to b_hought that this interruption, respite, or interpellation is by me occasione_ithout very good reason inducing me thereunto, and a notable experience of _ost convincing and irrefragable force.
I remember, on a time, that in the camp at Stockholm there was a certai_ascon named Gratianauld, native of the town of Saint Sever, who having los_ll his money at play, and consecutively being very angry thereat—as you know,
Pecunia est alter sanguis, ut ait Anto. de Burtio, in c. accedens. 2. extra u_it. non contest. et Bald. in l. si tuis. c. de opt. leg. per tot.in l.
advocati. c. de advoc. div. jud. Pecunia est vita hominis et optimus fide-
jussor in necessitatibus—did, at his coming forth of the gaming-house, in th_resence of the whole company that was there, with a very loud voice speak i_is own language these following words: Pao cap de bious hillots, que maux d_ipes bous tresbire: ares que de pergudes sont les mires bingt, et quouatr_agnelles, ta pla donnerien pics, trucs, et patacts, Sey degun de bous aulx,
qui boille truquar ambe iou a bels embis. Finding that none would make him an_nswer, he passed from thence to that part of the leaguer where the huff-
snuff, honder sponder, swashbuckling High Germans were, to whom he renewe_hese very terms, provoking them to fight with him; but all the return he ha_rom them to his stout challenge was only, Der Gasconner thut sich ausz mi_in iedem zu schlagen, aber er ist geneigter zu stehlen, darum, liebe frawen,
habt sorg zu euerm hauszrath. Finding also that none of that band of Teutoni_oldiers offered himself to the combat, he passed to that quarter of th_eaguer where the French freebooting adventurers were encamped, an_eiterating unto them what he had before repeated to the Dutch warriors,
challenged them likewise to fight with him, and therewithal made some prett_ittle Gasconado frisking gambols to oblige them the more cheerfully an_allantly to cope with him in the lists of a duellizing engagement; but n_nswer at all was made unto him. Whereupon the Gascon, despairing of meetin_ith any antagonists, departed from thence, and laying himself down not fa_rom the pavilions of the grand Christian cavalier Crissie, fell fast asleep.
When he had thoroughly slept an hour or two, another adventurous and all-
hazarding blade of the forlorn hope of the lavishingly wasting gamesters,
having also lost all his moneys, sallied forth with sword in his hand, of _irm resolution to fight with the aforesaid Gascon, seeing he had lost as wel_s he.
Ploratur lachrymis amissa pecunia veris,
saith the Gl. de poenitent. distinct. 3. c. sunt plures. To this effect havin_ade inquiry and search for him throughout the whole camp, and in seque_hereof found him asleep, he said unto him, Up, ho, good fellow, in the nam_f all the devils of hell, rise up, rise up, get up! I have lost my money a_ell as thou hast done; let us therefore go fight lustily together, grappl_nd scuffle it to some purpose. Thou mayest look and see that my tuck is n_onger than thy rapier. The Gascon, altogether astonished at his unexpecte_rovocation, without altering his former dialect spoke thus: Cap de Sain_rnault, quau seys to you, qui me rebeillez? Que mau de taberne te gire. H_aint Siobe, cap de Gascoigne, ta pla dormy jou, quand aquoest taquain m_ingut estee. The venturous roister inviteth him again to the duel, but th_ascon, without condescending to his desire, said only this: He paovret jo_esquinerie ares, que son pla reposat. Vayne un pauque te pausar com jou,
peusse truqueren. Thus, in forgetting his loss, he forgot the eagerness whic_e had to fight. In conclusion, after that the other had likewise slept _ittle, they, instead of fighting, and possibly killing one another, wen_ointly to a sutler's tent, where they drank together very amicably, each upo_he pawn of his sword. Thus by a little sleep was pacified the ardent fury o_wo warlike champions. There, gossip, comes the golden word of John Andr. i_ap. ult. de sent. et re. judic. l. sexto.