Lora, our helper, peered on the door while Kristoff and I are laughing together over that funny stuff he was talking about.
“Kristoff, there is a visitor downstairs,” she told him. She then turned to me with the eyes of a concerned mother. I smiled at her, assuring her that I am fine now.
Kristoff suddenly stayed still, frozen and I don’t know how to describe his facial expression. Was he nervous upon hearing that?
I looked at him as he sighed to collect his cool. I know there is something wrong.
“What’s wrong?” I finally found my guts to ask.
He shook his head as he stood up and walked down stairs. I watched him as he hesitantly moved to the door. He is not like this.
There is something wrong. I don’t really like it when he is acting this way. It’s like he doesn’t want to share his problems. Doesn’t he know that it’s making me crazy? I really want him to tell me what he really feels. But I guess that wouldn’t happen anytime soon, right?
And then I couldn’t keep all the curiosity in. I started to stand up and walk downstairs while thinking of a good reason on going down all of a sudden when Kristoff had reiterated that I should stay in my room this whole day.
“What are you doing here?” I heard him ask the visitor.
I was still upstairs so, I don’t know if the visitor is a girl or boy.
“I just want to see you.”
I stopped when I heard a girl’s voice. My questions are answered. Then there is this feeling again. My heart is hurting. It’s like it is ripping into millions of pieces. It’s usually this way when Kristoff talks to a girl.
Kristoff sighed hard. It was too loud to make he hear it. “Bianca, you have to go. My wife might see us,” he said.
I gulped. What might I see?
“But, Kris, you don’t love her, do you?” she asked him.
The stinging feeling in my heart seemed to have spread all over my system.
Kristoff sighed again. “You are out of it. She is still my wife,” he replied.
I might feel better because he has acknowledged me as his wife but I still feel the pain that there is this girl that…I don’t know how to even describe her.
I don’t even know how to describe my feelings.
All I know is that there is this certain pang of pain that is killing me softly.
Hearing her tell Kristoff that he doesn’t love me hurt. But knowing that Kristoff didn’t even correct her hurt me more.
“Here.” She might have given him something. “Call me. You don’t know how much I missed you,” she said. “I’ll be waiting, Kris,” she said as I heard the footsteps to the door.
I immediately moved and walked back to my room and locked it. I don’t want to see Kristoff right now. Not because of this girl but because I might not control myself. I might not control what I feel.
I covered myself with the blanket with tears brimming in my eyes. I don’t know. But maybe crying is a good thing.
I heard someone knock on my door. “Ashanti?”
I knew it was Kristoff.
I cupped my mouth to prevent him from hearing my sobs.
“Hey, Ashanti? Are you alright?” he asked with his voice really worried.
I don’t want to answer. He might sense that I am crying.
“Why’d you lock the door?” he asked.
I still didn’t answer.
“Are you asleep?” he asked again.
I still didn’t reply.
I heard him sigh. “Okay. Rest well, Ashanti.” He finally said as I heard his footsteps, moving away from me.
That was the time I had broken down.
All the feelings I am taking in, they are coming out now. I didn’t know loving would hurt this much. I guess now, I understand why Genevieve hasn’t been showy on her feelings toward Chester. Because she knows how it would hurt so much when you have developed feelings on someone and you end up hurting your own self.
I guess I just have to wait for these feelings to pass. I am just the legal wife, the wife on the paper. I don’t own his heart.
The next day, I woke up feeling better than yesterday. My fever has died down but the pain in my heart is escalating. Especially when I saw Kristoff on the table ready and reading the newspaper.
He stopped reading when he noticed me walking to the table. He smiled.
I don’t know why that smile didn’t give me that certain happy and giddy feeling it usually gives me.
“Feeling better?” he asked me.
I nodded without uttering a word. I don’t know if he sensed my coldness. I took a sip on my coffee and began eating bread.
I don’t even have the appetite to eat anymore. Why is this?
Last time I checked, I was really hungry. But when I saw Kristoff, the hunger was replaced by sadness. I lost my appetite. “I’m going,” I told him without looking at him.
And I am pretty sure, he looked at me. “You’re done? You barely ate anything.” He asked me. I nodded as I picked my bag up.
“There are a lot of things to do in the office,” I replied. “That one day of absence is a big loss.” I added.
He stared at me for a moment before nodding. I saw it in my peripheral vision. “Okay. Can you drive?” he asked me. I am thankful that he isn’t pushing it right now. I don’t want to be with him now. Last night was still a big hit to my heart. I can’t recover overnight.
I nodded. “I can. I am fine,” I replied.
He nodded. “Alright. You take care,” he told me.
I nodded and walked to my car. I sighed really hard.
I walked to my office feeling like a vegetable. No strength at all. Maybe it’s because I haven’t eaten my breakfast yet.
“Good morning, Miss Ashanti!” The workers greeted me.
I smiled and nodded as I walked to my room and saw Min and the rest in a serious meeting. I walked inside and gave them a questioning look. “What is wrong?” I asked them.
Min looked at me nervously. I can say that because she is trembling. “Ashanti,” She started.
“What?” I asked.
She looked at the others. “Most of the idols can’t make it on our fashion show,” she said.
“What?! Why?!” I asked panicking.
“They are all going to the Jewel Shoppe launch…even the idols under your husband’s company,” she replied looking down.
I sighed hard and pinched my temple. I think I have lost all my energy now.
“But we have another plan.” Jim, another worker, said.
I looked at him, feeling that small grasp of hope. “What?” I asked.