Chapter 40 So Lost

• I was not my usual self while preparing breakfast this morning. After spending days in the hospital, I was finally charged out, and now, I’m here alone in this adequate house. I haven’t seen Ethan for days. I have no idea where he might be. However, my mind is coasting elsewhere, and I couldn’t rest for days because of the nightmares haunting me. I couldn’t even blink or close my eyes for five minutes. All I’m seeing is that frightful scene that keeps on rehashing in my mind. The guilt was sneaking through my system until it consumed my whole willpower, and presently I couldn’t think straight.
• I know it’s neither of our faults, but still, we failed to protect our unborn child. I can’t live forever with this guilt I am carrying. Each time I had the chance to shut my eyes, my body trembled with agitation. I sometimes see myself crying on the floor, begging for this to stop. It’s like bottling up all my feelings in one bottle, and not I can’t take it anymore, it explodes. The pieces were scattered all over the floor, making it faultfinding to move forward. I balled my hands because I had hyperventilation again. I parted my lips, trying to ease the burden I was feeling. I controlled my thoughts so that I wouldn’t pass out here.
• Minutes have passed, and I am feeling a lot way better now. I let out a moan whereas cleaning the table. A loud deafening silence invaded each corner of the room. I was like an automaton being controlled to do something without comprehending what I was doing precisely. I look down at the sink. I was doing the dishes, and I took note I was holding something distinct. My vision blurred, and I shook my head gratingly, pushing the thoughts away. No, Natasha. This is not the solution!