Chapter 5

• Theo has not stopped saying how beautiful everything looks in the church, of course at some point he also said that it must have been very expensive, and I think so too because apparently, Malu spared no expense, but I imagine it is what he had always wanted: such a luxurious wedding; which I couldn't pay, or maybe I would have done it for him, left without any recourse in my bank account just to see him happy.
• I think it was lucky that Malu gave me an invitation for two people, because if it hadn't been like that, Theo wouldn't be by my side; although I know that he is not exactly who he wanted me to bring. Maybe he thought I could bring my mom, he's always gotten along with her, so I'm sure he wouldn't have minded having her here.
• The wedding march begins and everyone is silent, watching the two grooms entering hand in hand, sharing smiles with each other and sometimes with us, it’s like if they had a magical moment in which they arrive at the altar, kneeling in front of the priest, who starts with the ceremony, in which I only become a spectator; one who tries to feel happy, but all I want to do is walk down the aisle and hold Malu's hand to take him away with me.
• Maybe I am a masochist for having come because this is only hurting me, it hurts me to see him happy with someone who is not me. I wonder again what I did wrong for him to leave me because one day he decided that we no longer worked together and everything ended.
• Malu is destroying me at this moment, while saying yes to a man who is not me, to Lewis Leo, who became the love of his life as he himself told me, why can't I be like him and get over it? It's been months since it all ended and I still love him.
• A small, soft hand caresses mine, and when I turn my gaze to the side I see Theo, who gives me a smile as if he is saying that everything is fine, and with his other hand he opens mine, which is in a fist, and intertwine our fingers together.
• He puts his head on my shoulder as he turns his gaze to the front, where now the priest is saying that trite phrase of if there is anyone who opposes to this marriage, speak now or forever hold your peace. God, I want to get up and say that I'm against it, that Malu can't get married, but Theo's thumb do circles in the back of my hand as if he was trying to calm me down.
• “Don't do it” he whispers to me.
• I look at him a little surprised because he has realized my intention. His eyes rest on me again, they seem to beg me to stay in my place with my mouth closed, and that is what I do, I stare at him while the clergyman ends the ceremony, followed by applause and shouts that say that the people are happy for this union, everyone except me.
• I don't approach the grooms immediately as many have done it, I don't want to congratulate them for something that doesn't make me happy, and Theo seems to understand me, or well, I think so, because he doesn't exactly like Malu for him to want to get closer, and it's not something he bothers to hide, in fact, he made it very clear to me yesterday.
• “Aldair” I hear a familiar voice calling me - what a surprise, I didn't think you'd come.
• I turn towards the voice that has called me and I find myself with Michael, a friend that Malu and I have in common, with whom I didn’t expect to talk to on this day, not when I have been avoiding him all the time since it seemed that only I caused pity every time they saw me after the breakup between Malu and me. But here I am, seeing him in front of me.
• “Yes, well, Malu invited me.”
• “I know” he looks towards the two grooms “he said it was important for you to be here, but I didn't think you would do it.”
• “Why not?”
• I try to show that I don't care anymore, that it doesn't hurt that Malu is married. I don't think it's working, because that look of pity is still there, if like I can never get over it. He already did it and it is something that I must learn because I know that I no longer have a chance. I haven't had them for a long time, but I wanted to keep the foolish hope that my ex was going to come back to me.
• “My love” a voice speaks next to me in a low tone.
• I glance back at Theo, who curls his lips slightly and looks down at our hands that are still intertwined, and I can tell my knuckles are starting to turn white because I'm squeezing his hand so hard, so I loosen it a little, seeing how he smiles more sincerely, then looks at Michael, who seems to have just noticed my date.
• “I see you didn't come alone” says my friend.
• “No, this is Theo.”
• I let go of Theo's warm hand, noticing how he seems to gain a few more inches as he stands up straight and extends his hand to Michael, who looks at him in a judging way.
• “Nice to meet you” his smile is still on his face “I'm Theo, Aldair's boyfriend.”
• Maybe I should be bothered that he keeps introducing himself in that way, but I think it's necessary right now because Michael looks surprised, and I hope in that way he stops looking at me with pity.
• “I didn't know Aldair was dating someone” My friend looks at me.
• “We started recently” Theo grabs my arm and rests his head on my shoulder “we only have a month.”
• I don't know the reason for Theo's lie but I still don't complain because it seems to be for the best right now, even when Michael walks away telling me he hopes to see me at the reception, which provokes a low growl but I can hear it perfectly, because Theo is still leaning on my shoulder, and then looks at me with a small smile.
• “Are we going home?”
• “No, let's go to the reception.”
• I know he won't like the idea, the faces he makes let it very clear. Despite that, he doesn’t complain, he goes with me to the reception, staying by my side the whole time, sometimes without saying anything when Michael, who is at the same table as us, has started a conversation to tell me about his life and all the happening events in the time I haven't seen him, mentioning people he doesn't know, but Theo pays attention.
• “Have you already congratulated the grooms?” he says after his story is finished.
• “No” I turn my gaze back to their table.
• “I think Malu will be pleased to know you're here.”
• “Excuse me” Theo gets up from his chair “I'm going to the bathroom.”
• Michael frowns and follows Theo with his gaze until he's a little way from the table, then looks back at me disapprovingly.
• “Where did you get him?” he asks.
• “What?”
• “The guy” he makes a disapproving face “Aldair, I know that Malu getting married is a bit hard, but you don't have to invent a boyfriend to come to his wedding and say that you're over it, that's something...”
• “My love” I feel a pair of arms around my neck “come with me to the bathroom” he whispers in my ear.
• I turn my head to him, who looks at me hopefully, and then to Michael, without having to think about it too much, because I don't want to keep having this conversation about Malu, of how seeing him getting married has hurt me, and it seems that Theo has come once more in my rescue, which is something I have to thanks for.
• “Excuse me for a moment, I'll go with Theo to find the bathroom.”
• Michael doesn't seem happy about my idea of leaving, but he can't make me stay, so he nods as Theo takes my hand and starts leading me in the direction of the bathrooms, because we can’t get lost if there's a sign on it with an arrow that shows which way we have to go, but he doesn't say anything, not until we get there and he makes sure there's no one there.
• “Are you okay?”
• “Yes” I say, trying to rest importance.
• His next action is not something I waited, because if I wanted to prove to someone that we are dating, an empty bathroom is not the best place. His lips are so soft, like the caress of a rose petal, and I let myself go, feeling his tongue brush mine, that is like never done it before, I try to avoid it in surprise, causing him to walk away with a smile.
• “Just enjoy it.”
• He takes my hand again and leads me into a cubicle, positioning me against the door, and I watch him drop to his knees in front of me, his hands beginning to unbuckle my belt.
• I know I have to stop him, I know what's right, but Theo doesn't seem willing to do it, not when I see myself moaning at what his hands are doing to me, what his mouth can do, and he looks so pleased when I take his hair, setting a rhythm that makes him moan, sending new sensations to me.
• My entire muscles tense and then relax as I finish in his mouth, and I take a few minutes to keep my eyes closed while I recover.
• I can feel him getting up from the ground and fixing my clothes like he's doing it with a child, every action is delicate. Maybe it's because his hands are soft that I feel it in that way.
• I hear him inhale and exhale several times before I open my eyes; when I do, he smiles at me, looking too innocent that no one could imagine what he was doing minutes before, except for his red lips and messy hair, which speak for themselves.
• “God, you look messed up” I say.
• He just smiles at me and runs his hands through his hair trying to fix it, it only makes it worse, so I get closer to him and with my fingers I comb his hair, managing to style it almost like it was before we locked it ourselves in here. With his lips, there is not much I can do, even if I run my fingers over them trying to remove any traces that may have been left on them.
• When it seems that nothing is out of place, I lower my gaze to his pants, noticing how he does not show an erection, and that makes me think for a moment that the moans I heard were something fake, but his lips on mine make me go back of any thought.
• “I know how to control an erection.”
• His smile is present once again, he takes my hand and we leave the cubicle, he releases me to wash his hands and finish fixing his hair, and I do the same, seeing how his cheeks are now slightly flushed as his fingers run over his lips as if trying to hide what they reveal, what happened in the cubicle. Then he looks at me, smiling a little mischievously.
• “Can we go home now?” He looks at his watch “my parents expect me at least in three hours.”
• If I didn't get the hidden message in his words and tone, I do it when he kisses me again because you don't have to be a fortune teller to know what he's trying to tell me, and I'm totally okay with leaving the party, or at least I was until we return to our table to say goodbye to Michael.
• What I least expected was to find Malu there, who only smiles at me when he sees me, although his gaze hardens a little when he sees Theo and our intertwined hands.
• “Aldair” he says smiling “I'm glad you came” he gets up from his chair “that means that I will be able to dance a song with you.”
• He doesn't wait for an answer from me, he just drags me to the dance floor, where his husband is also dancing with an older woman, and when their eyes meet, they smile at each other, with that silent communication that he and I already lost, but seconds later Malu turns his attention to me, frowning.
• “You promised not to bring him” he claims me.
• “Is my boyfriend.”
• Malu makes a face that I don't know how to interpret, but then he starts talking to me about how happy Michael seems to be seeing me again, about his own joy at being married.
• It is not a song that we dance to, I let myself be enveloped in his words, in how pleasant it is to be with him, in the memories, because I forget that we are dancing at his wedding, at least until his husband arrives to ask me to give him back Malu, and he laughs saying that we have to go back to dancing at night.
• When they walk away from me, I turn to my table, where only Theo is sitting; his smiles have disappeared, his tie is no longer around his neck and his coat also now hangs on the back of the chair, he seems bored, and I remember that we had said that we would leave before Malu asked me to dance with him.
• “Theo…”
• “I'm going home” he says, taking his coat and tie.
• His voice doesn't seem bothered, and he also doesn't tell me to go with him either, but I do, I follow him out of the party and into the taxi, letting the silence envelop us as I slowly begin to feel the tiredness of what was a work and party day. When we get to the building my body feels too heavy, all I want is to go to sleep.
• I think Theo feels the same when he also presses his floor number button in the elevator, it's no longer a my parents are expecting me in a few more hours, but I hear him sigh several times until the elevator stops at my floor.
• “Good night, Aldair” His voice sounds tired.
• “Good night.”
• I get out of the elevator and listen to how the doors close behind me, but I don't pay attention to it, not when all I want is to get to my bed and sleep, there are no tears before I do it because I feel exhausted.
• Maybe for all the effort, I made to not react incorrectly at Malu's party, I was not going to ruin an important day in his life, after not being able to prevent him from getting married, and the only thing I know is that I have to let him go.