Chapter 3

• The sun's rays force me to wake up, I slide my hand across the mattress, meeting the cold of the sheets that tell me that no one has been there for a long time.
• I'm not thinking clearly at the moment because I don't know exactly who I'm looking for. Is it Malu? No, I have to remember that he was not by my side last night, he was not the one who slept with me, but it was a certain guy who gives hugs every day in the elevator.
• My eyes open up with difficulty because of the light, and I glance over at the nightstand, noticing that the clock still reads seven in the morning, and isn't supposed to sound for another half an hour.
• It's weird how I feel, my body seems to be a little lighter this morning, but I don't pay much attention to that either, not when I get out of bed and walk to the bathroom.
• I begin to consider breaking all the mirrors in my apartment, because the image that it was giving me back, is not at all consistent with how I feel, with the tranquility I experienced when I woke up. This is responsible for reminding me that Malu abandoned me months ago, that because of that there is almost nothing left of the Aldair that I was. Malu, had become my north and when he left I was left in nothing, how is it possible that a person comes to depend so much on another?
• I look away from the mirror and go under the hot water, I need to get rid of these thoughts that lead me to Malu, that only hurt me, and they hurt me even more, when I remember that he was at his rehearsal dinner last night, which I didn’t attend, and I think I have to thank Theo for that because if it hadn’t been for him I could have done it, how pathetic would have seen me arriving at that dinner?
• I know I took longer than usual while showering, but I feel a little more relaxed again by the time I'm done, slipping into one of those suits I wear to work every day.
• This morning I even feel a little hungry, which reminds me that I didn't eat the night before. The feeling seems so strange to me since for months I have been eating out of obligation, not because I felt my body needed it, and that had reflected on me, making me look a little sick. It also made me stay away from people because they used to talk about my appearance as if I wasn't there.
• When I'm ready, I leave the room with the idea of going to the kitchen for food, and on this way, I remember the food that Theo brought me yesterday, and it was beginning to sound like a good breakfast option.
• However, I am not prepared for what I find when I arrive, because a perfectly casual dressed man, without losing the sobriety that has always characterized him, is there, leaning on the counter and with a cup of coffee in his hand. I know because the smell fills the whole place.
• “Malu...” I say surprised.
• “Hello, Aldair” He drinks from his cup.
• “Wha-what are you doing here? H-How did you get in?”
• I know I sound silly when I stutter, but his presence surprised me, I'm sure that if I did something when Malu left, it was that I changed the password of the apartment, not exactly because I wanted to, but it was a suggestion from the psychologist and I took it.
• I think it's actually one of the few things that I really did, and maybe that's why I don't feel like therapy helps, because in the end I never really listen to her.
• “The guy from yesterday let me in” he says as if it doesn't matter.
• It took me a few seconds to realize that he was referring to Theo, although I don't know why, because I'm sure that yesterday before we fell asleep, he had murmured something about helping me forget Malu.
• Actually, I'm not sure if those were his words, because he talked a lot about saving me, and he made it sound like it was something so simple that I even thought it was possible for him to do it. But now that my ex is right in front of me, I know it's not when all I want to do is walk across the room and ask him to come back.
• “You didn't go to dinner yesterday.”
• He knows how to hit me, he destroys me with his words, because he reminds me that he is about to get married, and I should have assumed his presence here. I was a guest who was not at his table, and that must have ruined something that he had carefully planned, and that was something that Malu hated because he could be the most perfectionist man in the world.
• “I could not do it.”
• I try to act normal, focusing my gaze on the containers of food I left on the counter yesterday, remembering for a moment how I never ate it, and that was Theo.
• God, that guy could alter anyone's life, always so smiling, so confident in his actions, first I thought he was like an angel, but now I come to believe that he is like a demon who knows how to make you fall into sin.
• “It's because I didn't invite the guy” his voice has a slight hint of annoyance.
• “No, I just…- I remember Theo” I had another commitment.
• I put one of the containers in the microwave and when I turn, I see Malu making a grimace. I don't know what exactly bothers him, but I try not to pay attention to him, it shouldn't care to him, it was my decision to go to dinner or not, he didn't even tell me in advance.
• “Since when do you eat junk food?”
• “What?”
• He points out with his chin towards the microwave, and I'm sure my brow is furrowing, because maybe it wasn't the most elaborate food, but I think it's at least healthy, much better than instant food, which had become very recurrent for me since Malu left me.
• “What's wrong with the food?”
• He makes a grimace that reminds me that with him, there was always a gourmet dish on the table, even in that he was so careful and maybe, I had changed a little since he left. But not because I had noticed, not until now, but because I preferred to spend my time sleeping, or rolling around in my own misery. I know, I'm so pitiful, always feeling sorry for myself since he left me, why couldn't I be like him and just get over it?
• “Anyway, I came to remind you that you can't miss my wedding.”
• “Malu…”
• “You can't leave me alone on something so important to me.”
• Why is he so selfish? I don't know if he enjoys hurting me or if he doesn't realize he's doing it, because he keeps adding salt to the wound; maybe it was better when he preferred not to have contact with me, at least that way he was still someone unreachable, and it didn't seem like he could be willing to give me another chance, because I'm nothing away from begging him.
• Malu is so cruel and despite that I still love him.
• “I'm not sure I can do it.”
• “Is it because of the guy?”
• It's not for him, it's for me, don't you realize? Because right now all I want is to hug him and beg him not to get married, I want to make promises that I'll give him everything, I want to become whatever he wants, only for him to stop the wedding and come back to me.
• “No.”
• “Okay, you can take him” he walks close to me “Do it for me, Aldair, come to my wedding.”
• And I know I'm a fool, I know the moment I nod, that I promise I'll go to the wedding, and when he asks if I'll do it without the guy, I just nod, hoping to see more of that wide smile that has formed on his lips at the moment I said that I will not take Theo with me.