Chapter 1

• The time had changed. Nowadays marriage doesn't happen because of political alliances.
• Family with only a female child didn't have to find a male heir. Many rules had been abolished but still, women had very limited freedom and a thick chain of restrictions.
• In a few places women had their rights to education, to work, to own property, even fair wages or equal pay; however, most of the law was ignored or suppressed. They still hadn't had the reproductive rights, or to be free from sexual violence. They had to be kept quiet about the abusive relationship that hid under the tradition of marriage. For the sake of everyone's happiness and to keep the peace between two families, they had to seal their lips along with their hearts.
• After marriage, they had only one work that was to look after the household, and one sole purpose was to please their husband, even when the husbands had full rights to abuse them, physically and mentally.
• Very few women retained the opportunity to do work after a marriage if their husband allowed it. Women still had to submit themselves to their husbands after marriage, and to their fathers before marriage.
• We still had a submissive role in society. Even if a woman works, they earn less than a man. The classification wasn't easy to abolish. But the physical restrictions and property restrictions did go from this period. We didn't have to cover our head to toe with clothes like before. Now we could have our own lands but my father wasn't that considerate enough to give me the privilege to be an owner of any land. He had still despised the new rules as he thought a woman should not get their small heads into those matters because those aren't something that a delicate hand should handle. Maybe he was right or maybe he was wrong. But with the changes, we all had to move forward leaving the shunned out rules behind. However, as a river always goes to meet the sea, my father was always bound by those sickly rules that society had been following.
• I had three older sisters and they were from my father's first wife-the wife of the household. I was the daughter of one of the mistresses of my father. My mom was probably the second wife and she died while giving birth to me. I didn't have any knowledge about my birth mother. Not even a picture of her. I was very small and the first wife took care of me-rather, she made a home for me in their maid's chamber.
• As a mistress's daughter, I had no rights to inherit positions like my half-sisters. While my sisters had the freedom to marry higher-ups, this event was different for me. While they did home-schooling, I cooked breakfast for the entire family. My hands got cuts and scratches from the knives and bruised from lifting heavy utensils in the kitchen.
• While they played in the field, I had to clean clothes. My skin got rashes from excessive contact with water.
• While they went out to festivals, I had to clean the whole house. My clothes got dirty with all the dust and webs. It was a big house after all. With seven rooms, one big hall and a big kitchen, I had to work from morning to midnight just so the house could look like a general's house. My father was an well-known and respectful general and even when he retired, the new officers still came to him for advices and strategist. He had done great job in his days, thus people knew him very well.
• I still remember, there was no one when I caught a fever. The wife of the household would come and say 'A female has to take all the sufferings and burden of a household. No matter whether you are sick or not.'
• It was a hard fact that we never felt equal as a human being, as someone of intelligence and self-worth. It's so very hard for a woman to acquire that even in this age of so-called equality. In our fairytales and so many stories, as a girl, we are an annex of a father, a "prince" or other male figures. We are the "variation" and not worthy in our own right of a title. We are a "gift to men" rather than vice versa. We are so often defined by what we give others rather than as worthy in our own right as individuals-often as good wives, mothers and daughters. Perhaps "lady" is a better word, yet that too comes with the burden of expectations rooted in an era of women as property. Women shouldn't have to battle to recover the kind of independence required for real psychological health and wisdom, to have society see us simply as human.
• But, we had to.
• And I did exactly what society taught me-what the first wife said. With the burning skin and trembling body, I went to clean, wash and make meals for the household-that house that never belonged to me and never will. My life had always been inside those four walls and I had expected no less than that.
• Soon, we all had grown up and our time had come to an end in this household as every female needed to be married off. Otherwise, they would become a burden.
• My elder sister married off to a higher diplomat. As my father was a well-known government official of Kosaki. Many well known superior categories of the country wanted to marry his daughters. So my sisters didn't have to wait too long for marriage to the privileged classes.
• Soon the second and the third sister married off to higher officials and only my father, his first wife and I remained in the house.
• I wasn't blessed with my father's favour, and he had barely even taken a glance at me. I was an unnecessary responsibility for him so he had to find me a husband who would be inferior to his other son-in-laws, in position.
• After rendering the marriages of my sister's, it was my turn. Before he could find one, he married another mistress who was much younger and prettier than his official wife.
• My father might have wanted a male heir that both the first and second wife wasn't capable of giving him. Even if my older sister could inherit his everything, he was desperate to have a son to carry his legacy. I knew he wanted a son because that way he could remain in the official army unofficially. He loved his country and if he could, he would have joined them again. But as his time was running low, his graying body was giving out.
• And one day, he had finally managed to find a man who appeared before him. Not for marriage, however. It was rather an unintended incident that took place.
• People need love to live a life. Not everyone can live without love.
• But at this time I had to marry an unknown man without love. I had never asked for anything-not that I had any right.
• I wanted a person who would love me and accept me for who I am not for just a mere token but my father had even snatched away that option.