Chapter 3 GRIEF

• *This road next to the sea is beautiful. The view of this village will never cease to amaze me. But something is approaching me from a distance. I squeeze my eyes, trying to make sense of what I’m seeing.
• A dragon? What? I stand up and take some steps backwards, trying to avoid the collision with this red beast.
• I cross my hands in front of my face, covering me from the imminent attack. I scream as I feel his roar against my body*.
• I open up my eyes, covered in sweat. I breathe fast, trying to move my body that is paralyzed from the terror. What is it with these dreams? First this man and now a dragon?
• Something is definitely wrong with my brain.
• ***
• I’ve been thinking of Lily’s words, holding onto this card like it’s sacred. What scares me, isn’t the fact that this number is probably not working anymore, but the opposite. What if he answers? What should I say? Hey, it’s me, your daughter?
• In times like this, I need Liam. Even though Lily was right and he did end up leaving me, he was there when I needed him. When my mother died from an overdose, he picked up my pieces. He made me whole, gave me a smile.
• We used to sing together, oh I miss those days. For me it only feels like yesterday, but the world has changed so much from that time. We were going to become great singers, creating our own band.
• But this was a dream of a naive girl that fell for a player. But mostly the green eyed monster is haunting me down; jealousy. He made our dream come true and didn’t even invite me on this ride.
• One of the first things I decided to do when I came back is try to sing. But my vocal cords were damaged from the accident. Singing was the only thing I knew how to do. I refused to learn anything else, as I was convinced that my voice would get me to a high place. The irony of this.
• The TV is playing Liam’s song. His hair is still blonde, his eyes bright blue. I can see that he hasn't become really tall these past five years. He is wearing a white costume that shows the front of his chest. His gaze is like it’s piercing through me, I feel it sting my heart. I hate this, I hate that he has made it so big and I’m stuck in time.
• I stand up, grabbing my jacket. I’m gonna visit my aunt’s grave.
• ***
• As I’m walking down the street, the baker’s boy always greets me. Ugh, not today too. But he is waving at me and I can’t ignore him, can I?
• “Hey Alex!”, he says and a big smile forms on his face.
• “Hello George”, I greet him.
• “Where are you going? Maybe I could join!”.
• Ugh, really? I’m not in the mood for your flirting man. But I can’t sound mean to you, you are always kind.
• “I’m visiting my aunt’s grave. It’s better if I go alone”.
• “Oh, I’m sorry. But we should hang out sometime you know”.
• “I’m not sure George”.
• “But why? It will be fun”, he says and winks at me. I’m gonna puke with his facial expressions. He isn’t ugly or something, but he is well known as a player and I’m not ready for another man to play with my heart or get into my pants.
• “I should go”, I dismiss him and start walking fast, away from him. Somehow, his stare gives me the creeps.
• Screw men.
• ***
• A small stone, sharing the grave with her husband. My aunt and uncle never had children and he died young, I don’t even remember him much. She refused to remarry as he was the love of her life.
• I was stupid enough to think that Liam was that man for me.
• And then My mother died and she took me under her wing. I felt like home, the love my own mother couldn’t provide. Why did she keep me if she didn’t want me around?
• My story is just a drama and some author needs to write about it.
• “Aunt Olivia, I miss you so much. Thank you for fighting for me when no one else was. I hope you are watching over me and be relieved that I’m alive. But what I’m about to do, you won’t approve. Yes, I’m going to call him, my father. You always told me he isn’t a good man and I should never contact him. But he has been trying to provide for me and to be honest, he is the only family I have left. I know I might become really disappointed, but I’m ready. I’m only asking for your forgiveness for what I’m about to do. No matter what happens, I’ll always be the kind person you made me, thank you”.
• And just like that, with tears rolling, I run away. It’s time to accept and move on.