Chapter 5

• First dates have to be one of the top ten things that people are afraid of doing.
• I've done many things outside of my comfort zone in my life, such as bungee jumping off the High Steel Bridge in Washington. It's the most intense adrenaline rush I've ever felt, and it's not likely to happen again in this lifetime.
• I've gotten a tattoo despite my fear of needles and held a snake on a wildlife tour despite my fear of snakes.
• I always try to remind myself why I push my boundaries whenever I experience discomfort as a result of trying something new.
• And right now, I need to remind myself of Julian's kindness and how beneficial what we're doing could be.And right now, I need to remind myself how nice Julian is and how amazing what we're doing could be.
• The café isn't particularly crowded. The lunch rush has passed, and the only people who remain are afternoon coffee addicts and people like me.
• I choose a table near the exit in case things go wrong and I need to get out quickly. It does, however, have a window and a view of some construction workers. They are cute, whistled at me as I walked by, then returned to their laborious job of repairing the sidewalk.
• When I exhale, my nerves relax slightly. For the hundredth time, I take out my compact to make sure my lipstick isn't smudged all over my teeth. Biting down, I examine quickly, satisfied with the clean results, and then put my compact away.
• It's not like I've never dated before. Other people have been subjected to my awkward first dates. Some even made it through multiple rounds. A few lucky ones made it to the bedroom, and that's where the story ends. Nikki and Eric frequently tell me I'm too picky, which hinders my search for the one. Both of them believe I have this imaginary man in my head, that he sits on this pedestal, and that no one can dethrone him.
• That part of them that I despise is correct.
• And I despise the fact that the thought of him even occurs to me right now.
• “Hey.”
• Julian is standing next to me, dressed to the nines in dark jeans and a maroon polo shirt. I leap to my feet, leaning over the table to kiss his cheek. My stomach flutters as my skin caresses his freshly shaved cheekbone, making my entire body hyper-aware. His scent, a masculine aftershave, lingers delightfully in the air.
• We both pull away at the same time, his hand resting on my hip, our gazes connecting through the sheer power of a simple touch, as we both sit down on the couch, his playful grin instantly calms my nervous energy.
• Julian scans the café, looks at the door, and shakes his head, a knowing smile on his face.
• "I assure you that I am not an ax-wielding murderer."
• The entrance. This guy knows every single trick.
• "I know," I say casually as I grab the menu. "I enjoy the view."
• "Of the building workers?"
• “Um, no…Well, perhaps."
• Julian extends his hand and places it on top of mine. My imagination is running wild, wondering why I allow myself to put up a fight when Julian is right in front of me.
• "Please relax. I won't kill you, and if you get your kicks from watching sweaty men jackhammer concrete, I'll still think you're beautiful."
• My shoulders relax, relieved that he's relieved the awkward tension. I'm not sure what's wrong with me when I'm around him. It's almost as if I'm desperate to make this work, afraid that if I don't, I'll fall back into a familiar spiral and struggle to break free once more.
• "I think we should order," he suggests. "How much longer do I have you?"
• “Me? For as long as you want."
• Shit. Another deception. The amount of work on my desk is enormous, and Nikki dumped a new case on my desk about an hour ago that she wants me to review before I leave. I'm expecting to pull an all-nighter because it's the only way I'll be able to keep up with my workload and life.
• "Um, okay, sorry, maybe enough time for a latte?"
• The waitress comes over and takes our order. Julian orders an espresso and then tells me how he became addicted during his most recent trip to Sicily.
• "Wow, you must travel a lot. "What exactly do you do?" I ask.
• “Journalism. I write for a few magazines and, on occasion, some well-known newspapers, depending on the trend at the time."
• The waitress returns and quickly places our drinks on the table before leaving.
• "How about you?"
• "Family law," I say, my hands wrapped around the hot cup in front of me.
• "I didn't think of you as a lawyer, but I admire your tenacity." He drinks the espresso in almost one go, bringing the small glass to his lips. "Can you tell me how you became a lawyer? Is there a reason for this? And where did you go to school?"
• This isn't the first time I've been asked this question. To be honest, I've explained it more times than I can count, nailing the story to a tee, leaving out various details that are deemed unnecessary to relive, especially in front of a stranger.
• I begin to explain how it all began, and how my childhood felt like a rollercoaster ride due to my mother's repeated absences until she finally left, serving my father with divorce papers.
• Julian says sympathetically, "Explains why you chose family law."
• "I'd seen their worst side come out. They didn't think I could understand their adult conversations, but I could."
• "How about Yale, which is both impressive and difficult to get into?"
• "Says the Harvard grad," I tease, enjoying the change of subject. Julian raises his brow, watching me with interest until I realize I've revealed my secret. "All right, I might have stalked your Facebook profile."
• His gentle chuckles relieve my embarrassment. I take another sip, raising my cup to my lips, relishing the caffeine fix my body so desperately requires.
• "What else can I say? "I'm a woman of many talents," I boast, smiling.
• We both laugh, and while the light-hearted banter is a welcome change, I push away the feelings that rise to the surface whenever my mind wanders to a time in my past when darkness reigned supreme and nothing, absolutely nothing, could take away the pain that had consumed me.
• I cough, hoping Julian won't notice my change in demeanor.
• "At Yale, I met my good friend Nicole, or Nikki as I call her." We were both studying law when we decided to open Mason & Romano, a boutique law firm, after years of working for some terrible employers."
• "That's a significant risk, especially at such a young age."
• "I understand." I studied constantly. "It's pretty much all I did for the majority of my twenties," I tell him, reflecting on the long hours with my eyes on textbooks, which resulted in compromised eyesight and the need for reading glasses. "Nikki and her husband had a young child. The balancing act of parenthood and thriving careers proved more difficult than they had anticipated."
• I then tell Julian about my decision to relocate to the city. Rocky was fortunate to have a contact in the media industry, and he was hired as a sports commentator almost immediately. He can talk about sports all day, which I've grown accustomed to.
• Nikki and I both got jobs at different companies.
• The first year was difficult, and I had several doubts about my decision. But along the way, I realized that I was making a difference. Except for my shady boss, I was passionate about working in law and enjoyed my job. When I walked past him, I ignored his inappropriate comments about my attire and the way he said my hair smelled good. It was all wrong, and it made me feel uneasy.
• "Fortunately, a solution appeared late one Sunday afternoon while hanging out in the playground." "It came from Nikki, who was at her wits end juggling motherhood," I recall to him.
• "Will recently called his nanny Mommy," Nikki spoke softly as she observed Will playing in the sandpit.
• "Will called his nanny Mommy the other day," Nikki said softly as she watched Will play with the other kids in the sandpit. "I can't do it anymore, Charlie, working twelve-hour days and never seeing my son."
• "We started with a small clientele, and as we expanded, we both hired personal assistants, Eric and Emma. The economy is booming. We even hired another attorney, Tate, as well as additional interns to help run the office."
• "Quite an incredible journey," he says. "I can tell you care about what you do."
• Julian has this soothing expression on his face. My heart was racing at times while telling my story. But just by looking into his eyes, everything I'd been holding onto that I hadn't realized was slowly dissolving.
• "I didn't want to be like my mother... She was miserable with this unwarranted chip on her shoulder, stuck in a small town every day making hot tamales. "I was out to prove something."
• "We share a lot of interests." I, too, was constantly trying to make a point. And here I am with the most beautiful woman in Manhattan."
• I smile and lightly touch his hand. This dating thing isn't so bad, especially when the man is as attractive as Julian Baker.