Chapter 130 Never Leave Him

• The cars ran past the streets, buildings, trees giving it the blurry view that got me entranced within the space outside the car. My mind moved from one place to another in a daze and the wheel of my thoughts ran fast and wide, it made it hard for me to keep still. I could feel myself panicking from each thought but I held it in by making sure to breathe when I needed to breathe and sigh heavily when I needed to.
• How could Nate suddenly show up? Why did he have to show up now? It was so unfair that he had to suddenly fall from the sky when I had only just found happiness, found Jordan, found a husband and there was finally a trace of what love could be like. I might be thinking ahead of myself especially since what I and Jordan had might not love, but I was hoping. I shook my head at that thought and tried to think of something else. No, I was indeed going too far. I turned my attention from the mirror to Jordan. The light from the street helped in casting a shadow on his face but I could see his face properly. His hair was getting longer and once again, it covered a part of his face, my hand itched to run my hand through it and the thought of caressing his face followed. His eyes were pairing at me with concern and the beauty within those eyes of his made me feel warm all over. Could there actually be any love between us? I shook my head at that thought again and looked away. I turned back to the road and placed my chin on my elbow while my thoughts ran back to Nate. Nate, who was Nathan. How could he be the cousin of Jordan when his name wasn’t even Chase? Or maybe he was a cousin from his mother’s side. Whatever cousin he was, I was going mad with the thought of how my ex and my husband both had blood relationship. Did Jordan know? I don’t think he did, if he did, he would have said something and Nathan would not have acted the way he did then.
• I recalled that look in his eyes. That look of pain laced with anger. He was going to roar at me, something he had never done. I truly hurt him and I took all the blame for it. Tiana was right. I should have called him, how could I have not called him to apologise, to explain myself better, to tell him that I never meant to. I had been feeling so guilty, I never even dared to think about him. Not to add to the countless obstacles I faced from the very beginning of this marriage. I only just found some kind of peace and ease. I no longer had things making me worry that much and it was an opportunity to have thought about Nate. But Jordan had occupied that space, he had taken over my thought, there was no time to actually think about him. I sighed heavily as pain pricked my heart. I was simply making excuses, right? I had done wrong, no matter how I said it or no matter what I did. I had done wrong and I deserved all the anger he had for me. The problem was simply, what was I supposed to say tol Jordan?