Chapter 20 How the Sophister carried away his cloth, and how he had a sui_n law against the other masters
The sophister had no sooner ended, but Ponocrates and Eudemon burst out in _aughing so heartily, that they had almost split with it, and given up th_host, in rendering their souls to God: even just as Crassus did, seeing _ubberly ass eat thistles; and as Philemon, who, for seeing an ass eat thos_igs which were provided for his own dinner, died with force of laughing.
Together with them Master Janotus fell a-laughing too as fast as he could, i_hich mood of laughing they continued so long, that their eyes did water b_he vehement concussion of the substance of the brain, by which thes_achrymal humidities, being pressed out, glided through the optic nerves, an_o to the full represented Democritus Heraclitizing and Heraclitu_emocritizing.
When they had done laughing, Gargantua consulted with the prime of his retinu_hat should be done. There Ponocrates was of opinion that they should mak_his fair orator drink again; and seeing he had showed them more pastime, an_ade them laugh more than a natural soul could have done, that they shoul_ive him ten baskets full of sausages, mentioned in his pleasant speech, wit_ pair of hose, three hundred great billets of logwood, five-and-twent_ogsheads of wine, a good large down-bed, and a deep capacious dish, which h_aid were necessary for his old age. All this was done as they did appoint:
only Gargantua, doubting that they could not quickly find out breeches fit fo_is wearing, because he knew not what fashion would best become the sai_rator, whether the martingale fashion of breeches, wherein is a spunghol_ith a drawbridge for the more easy caguing: or the fashion of the mariners,
for the greater solace and comfort of his kidneys: or that of the Switzers,
which keeps warm the bedondaine or belly-tabret: or round breeches wit_traight cannions, having in the seat a piece like a cod's tail, for fear o_ver-heating his reins:—all which considered, he caused to be given him seve_lls of white cloth for the linings. The wood was carried by the porters, th_asters of arts carried the sausages and the dishes, and Master Janotu_imself would carry the cloth. One of the said masters, called Jouss_andouille, showed him that it was not seemly nor decent for one of hi_ondition to do so, and that therefore he should deliver it to one of them.
Ha, said Janotus, baudet, baudet, or blockhead, blockhead, thou dost no_onclude in modo et figura. For lo, to this end serve the suppositions an_arva logicalia. Pannus, pro quo supponit? Confuse, said Bandouille, e_istributive. I do not ask thee, said Janotus, blockhead, quomodo supponit,
but pro quo? It is, blockhead, pro tibiis meis, and therefore I will carry it,
Egomet, sicut suppositum portat appositum. So did he carry it away very clos_nd covertly, as Patelin the buffoon did his cloth. The best was, that whe_his cougher, in a full act or assembly held at the Mathurins, had with grea_onfidence required his breeches and sausages, and that they were flatl_enied him, because he had them of Gargantua, according to the information_hereupon made, he showed them that this was gratis, and out of hi_iberality, by which they were not in any sort quit of their promises.
Notwithstanding this, it was answered him that he should be content wit_eason, without expectation of any other bribe there. Reason? said Janotus. W_se none of it here. Unlucky traitors, you are not worth the hanging. Th_arth beareth not more arrant villains than you are. I know it well enough;
halt not before the lame. I have practised wickedness with you. By God'_attle, I will inform the king of the enormous abuses that are forged here an_arried underhand by you, and let me be a leper, if he do not burn you aliv_ike sodomites, traitors, heretics and seducers, enemies to God and virtue.
Upon these words they framed articles against him: he on the other side warne_hem to appear. In sum, the process was retained by the court, and is there a_et. Hereupon the magisters made a vow never to decrott themselves in rubbin_ff the dirt of either their shoes or clothes: Master Janotus with hi_dherents vowed never to blow or snuff their noses, until judgment were give_y a definitive sentence.
By these vows do they continue unto this time both dirty and snotty; for th_ourt hath not garbled, sifted, and fully looked into all the pieces as yet.
The judgment or decree shall be given out and pronounced at the next Gree_alends, that is, never. As you know that they do more than nature, an_ontrary to their own articles. The articles of Paris maintain that to Go_lone belongs infinity, and nature produceth nothing that is immortal; for sh_utteth an end and period to all things by her engendered, according to th_aying, Omnia orta cadunt, &c. But these thick mist-swallowers make the suit_n law depending before them both infinite and immortal. In doing whereof,
they have given occasion to, and verified the saying of Chilo th_acedaemonian, consecrated to the oracle at Delphos, that misery is th_nseparable companion of law-debates; and that pleaders are miserable; fo_ooner shall they attain to the end of their lives, than to the final decisio_f their pretended rights.