Chapter 17 How Gargantua paid his welcome to the Parisians, and how he too_way the great bells of Our Lady's Church
Some few days after that they had refreshed themselves, he went to see th_ity, and was beheld of everybody there with great admiration; for the peopl_f Paris are so sottish, so badot, so foolish and fond by nature, that _uggler, a carrier of indulgences, a sumpter-horse, or mule with cymbals o_inkling bells, a blind fiddler in the middle of a cross lane, shall draw _reater confluence of people together than an evangelical preacher. And the_ressed so hard upon him that he was constrained to rest himself upon th_owers of Our Lady's Church. At which place, seeing so many about him, he sai_ith a loud voice, I believe that these buzzards will have me to pay them her_y welcome hither, and my Proficiat. It is but good reason. I will now giv_hem their wine, but it shall be only in sport. Then smiling, he untied hi_air braguette, and drawing out his mentul into the open air, he so bitterl_ll-to-bepissed them, that he drowned two hundred and sixty thousand, fou_undred and eighteen, besides the women and little children. Some,
nevertheless, of the company escaped this piss-flood by mere speed of foot,
who, when they were at the higher end of the university, sweating, coughing,
spitting, and out of breath, they began to swear and curse, some in good ho_arnest, and others in jest. Carimari, carimara: golynoly, golynolo. By m_weet Sanctess, we are washed in sport, a sport truly to laugh at;—in French,
Par ris, for which that city hath been ever since called Paris; whose nam_ormerly was Leucotia, as Strabo testifieth, lib. quarto, from the Greek wor_eukotes, whiteness,—because of the white thighs of the ladies of that place.
And forasmuch as, at this imposition of a new name, all the people that wer_here swore everyone by the Sancts of his parish, the Parisians, which ar_atched up of all nations and all pieces of countries, are by nature both goo_urors and good jurists, and somewhat overweening; whereupon Joanninus d_arrauco, libro de copiositate reverentiarum, thinks that they are calle_arisians from the Greek word parresia, which signifies boldness and libert_n speech. This done, he considered the great bells, which were in the sai_owers, and made them sound very harmoniously. Which whilst he was doing, i_ame into his mind that they would serve very well for tingling tantans an_inging campanels to hang about his mare's neck when she should be sent bac_o his father, as he intended to do, loaded with Brie cheese and fres_erring. And indeed he forthwith carried them to his lodging. In the meanwhil_here came a master beggar of the friars of St. Anthony to demand in hi_anting way the usual benevolence of some hoggish stuff, who, that he might b_eard afar off, and to make the bacon he was in quest of shake in the ver_himneys, made account to filch them away privily. Nevertheless, he left the_ehind very honestly, not for that they were too hot, but that they wer_omewhat too heavy for his carriage. This was not he of Bourg, for he was to_ood a friend of mine. All the city was risen up in sedition, they being, a_ou know, upon any slight occasion, so ready to uproars and insurrections,
that foreign nations wonder at the patience of the kings of France, who do no_y good justice restrain them from such tumultuous courses, seeing th_anifold inconveniences which thence arise from day to day. Would to God _new the shop wherein are forged these divisions and factious combinations,
that I might bring them to light in the confraternities of my parish! Believ_or a truth, that the place wherein the people gathered together, were thu_ulphured, hopurymated, moiled, and bepissed, was called Nesle, where the_as, but now is no more, the oracle of Leucotia. There was the case proposed,
and the inconvenience showed of the transporting of the bells. After they ha_ell ergoted pro and con, they concluded in baralipton, that they should sen_he oldest and most sufficient of the faculty unto Gargantua, to signify unt_im the great and horrible prejudice they sustain by the want of those bells.
And notwithstanding the good reasons given in by some of the university wh_his charge was fitter for an orator than a sophister, there was chosen fo_his purpose our Master Janotus de Bragmardo.