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Chapter 17 How Gargantua paid his welcome to the Parisians, and how he too_way the great bells of Our Lady's Church

  • Some few days after that they had refreshed themselves, he went to see th_ity, and was beheld of everybody there with great admiration; for the peopl_f Paris are so sottish, so badot, so foolish and fond by nature, that _uggler, a carrier of indulgences, a sumpter-horse, or mule with cymbals o_inkling bells, a blind fiddler in the middle of a cross lane, shall draw _reater confluence of people together than an evangelical preacher. And the_ressed so hard upon him that he was constrained to rest himself upon th_owers of Our Lady's Church. At which place, seeing so many about him, he sai_ith a loud voice, I believe that these buzzards will have me to pay them her_y welcome hither, and my Proficiat. It is but good reason. I will now giv_hem their wine, but it shall be only in sport. Then smiling, he untied hi_air braguette, and drawing out his mentul into the open air, he so bitterl_ll-to-bepissed them, that he drowned two hundred and sixty thousand, fou_undred and eighteen, besides the women and little children. Some,
  • nevertheless, of the company escaped this piss-flood by mere speed of foot,
  • who, when they were at the higher end of the university, sweating, coughing,
  • spitting, and out of breath, they began to swear and curse, some in good ho_arnest, and others in jest. Carimari, carimara: golynoly, golynolo. By m_weet Sanctess, we are washed in sport, a sport truly to laugh at;—in French,
  • Par ris, for which that city hath been ever since called Paris; whose nam_ormerly was Leucotia, as Strabo testifieth, lib. quarto, from the Greek wor_eukotes, whiteness,—because of the white thighs of the ladies of that place.
  • And forasmuch as, at this imposition of a new name, all the people that wer_here swore everyone by the Sancts of his parish, the Parisians, which ar_atched up of all nations and all pieces of countries, are by nature both goo_urors and good jurists, and somewhat overweening; whereupon Joanninus d_arrauco, libro de copiositate reverentiarum, thinks that they are calle_arisians from the Greek word parresia, which signifies boldness and libert_n speech. This done, he considered the great bells, which were in the sai_owers, and made them sound very harmoniously. Which whilst he was doing, i_ame into his mind that they would serve very well for tingling tantans an_inging campanels to hang about his mare's neck when she should be sent bac_o his father, as he intended to do, loaded with Brie cheese and fres_erring. And indeed he forthwith carried them to his lodging. In the meanwhil_here came a master beggar of the friars of St. Anthony to demand in hi_anting way the usual benevolence of some hoggish stuff, who, that he might b_eard afar off, and to make the bacon he was in quest of shake in the ver_himneys, made account to filch them away privily. Nevertheless, he left the_ehind very honestly, not for that they were too hot, but that they wer_omewhat too heavy for his carriage. This was not he of Bourg, for he was to_ood a friend of mine. All the city was risen up in sedition, they being, a_ou know, upon any slight occasion, so ready to uproars and insurrections,
  • that foreign nations wonder at the patience of the kings of France, who do no_y good justice restrain them from such tumultuous courses, seeing th_anifold inconveniences which thence arise from day to day. Would to God _new the shop wherein are forged these divisions and factious combinations,
  • that I might bring them to light in the confraternities of my parish! Believ_or a truth, that the place wherein the people gathered together, were thu_ulphured, hopurymated, moiled, and bepissed, was called Nesle, where the_as, but now is no more, the oracle of Leucotia. There was the case proposed,
  • and the inconvenience showed of the transporting of the bells. After they ha_ell ergoted pro and con, they concluded in baralipton, that they should sen_he oldest and most sufficient of the faculty unto Gargantua, to signify unt_im the great and horrible prejudice they sustain by the want of those bells.
  • And notwithstanding the good reasons given in by some of the university wh_his charge was fitter for an orator than a sophister, there was chosen fo_his purpose our Master Janotus de Bragmardo.