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Forbidden Secrets

Forbidden Secrets

Canlipop

Last update: 1970-01-01

Chapter 1 Promisse

  • DEAN
  • Just rest my head between my legs, denying myself the right to scream and break something before going into the house and dealing with Vallie. She doesn't know that her mother has just suffered her second cardiac arrest in less than a year, the poor girl thinks Lily is at a resort to lose weight and finally make her move. Bariatric me need to maintain the theater.
  • Lies.
  • I've been telling this girl so many lies for the last six years that I can't look her in the eye without feeling disgusted with myself. She doesn't even notice.
  • ''Damn it!''
  • I slam my fist against the steering wheel.
  • ''Dean?'' I look up at the hand slamming against the glass of the door when I see the curly hair.
  • I frown at the woman.
  • '' Kiara?''
  • ''Hey.''
  • ''What are you doing here? I said you could take these weeks off.'' The woman looks at me carefully, looking from side to side on the dark street and not very busy, then asks me to open the passenger door and gets in the car.
  • And move in the seat uncomfortably.
  • ''I didn't want to leave Vallie alone, the poor girl already has to spend her vacation here, isolated and without any fun.'' Explains.
  • My shoulders slump.
  • She's right about that, but I told myself it would be temporary. Just enough time for Lily to get comfortable living in the city again. That was a year ago.
  • ''Stay in the guest room.'' I say, but then I pause and look at her. The weight on my back taking on a new dimension when my eyes meet the but hers. Kiara is almost my age, but he seems younger and friendlier than I ever was.'' Thanks.''whisper.
  • She nods and purses her lips, the way she always does when she has something to say but doesn't know if she should say it. Anyway, I throw my head back in the seat and ask for a minute.
  • ''Just one, then you can tell me how bad of a person I am.''
  • I hear her move next to me, but she remains silent.
  • One.
  • Two.
  • Three minutes pass, and neither of us speaks. It's fucking frustrating.
  • I need to fight with someone, and I was counting on her to do it. Fuck. Damn. Damn!!!
  • ''You are not a bad person.''
  • Silence.
  • I snort.
  • ''But?''
  • There is always a “but”.
  • ''It is condescending to the illness of your wife.''
  • I jaw tightens.
  • ''Lily is not sick.'' I practically growl, remembering the doctor's words. Why is everyone blaming me? Fuck this.
  • Obesity is a disease, Dean. She can barely move around on her own now, what will happen in two, three years?
  • I close my eyes and take a deep breath. Kiara must feel the change in me, because I hear your hand testing the doorknob.
  • ''She's trying hard, just give her a little more time. You know she can do it.''
  • She doesn't say anything.
  • From my position, I can see when the light in Vallie's room is turned on and the window curtains open.
  • ''Vallie must have noticed your car stopped, we better get in.''Kiara says, not waiting for an answer before getting out of the car and running to the house. I stay a few more minutes, going over the conversation with Lily, with the doctor, with Vallie's father.
  • I start the car and decide I need some more time.
  • Our house is strategically isolated, with no neighbors within ten kilometers. Lily wanted it that way, she said she preferred to practice her exercises without the prying eyes of other people.
  • In fact, she's just ashamed of herself.
  • My fingers press against the steering wheel, my foot pushes against the accelerator, and the anger rises inside me. See, my parents were right, and I only made things worse for Lily, I mean, she was terrible before, but she was able to walk and interact with people. Now?
  • No.
  • I shake my head and push away the negative thoughts. I am a good man, I have given my best and will continue to do so.
  • Furthermore, I'm good.
  • Good.
  • A good person.
  • You know the truth.
  • My conscience whispers.
  • No!
  • That accident wasn't my fault.
  • I keep repeating the thought until I find a bar. The place is small, just a few tables, a pool table in the corner on the right, very close to where the men's bathroom is, and a counter. I don't stay still for long, just a quick glance lets me know that this place is dominated by bikers, and they all seem to know each other.
  • ''Playing away from home, right?' ' The guy on the other side of the counter asks, he smiles when I don't answer back, and I realize I should probably leave now.
  • Oh, I really need that fight.
  • I look the man up and down and shrug. He raises an eyebrow.
  • ''I live near.'' I say, then point to the bottle of whiskey on the nearby table.''I want some of that, please.
  • He whistles.
  • ''What?''
  • ''You said please, are you sure you live nearby?''
  • ''Yes, now bring me that drink or get me something stronger.''
  • ''Doug.''
  • ''What?''
  • ''My name is Doug, and I know exactly what you need.''
  • Doug disappears in the door behind the counter for a minute and comes back with a suspicious bottle. The liquid is colorless and has a strong odor.
  • ''Brazilian cachaça, the best there is.
  • ''Good enough to take me down?''
  • He snorts, pulls out a body and pours the drink inside.
  • ''Do it quickly, polite boy.''
  • I drink the first glass without questions, the second out of interest, the third because of the taste, and the fourth because I can't stop.
  • When my eyes open, I discover that the night is over and a new daystarted. Doug laughs at me when I run to the bathroom and throw everything I consumed yesterday out. He was nice letting me stay, but I ended up sleeping on the floor andmy back is killing me.I thank him and promise to come back, we talked so much during the drinking that he knows everything about my situation with Lily, the real situation, not the one I tell everyone when they ask.
  • Anyway, I try to look presentable when I pull up to my front door. The laughter fills the room and stops when the two women catch me standing in the middle of the hallway.
  • Vallie looks at me as if I were a ghost.
  • Kiara is grimacing and wrinkling her nose.
  • The smell of alcohol.
  • I close my eyes and run my hand through my hair.
  • Damn it.
  • ''Happy birthday.'' Vallie says, so low that I can only hear it through the small distance between us.
  • ''As?''
  • ''I made you a cake.''she says and walks past me with an unflappable expression.
  • ''What happened?
  • Kiara shakes her head and looks at me disappointed, then points to the cake on the kitchen counter and lifts her lips in a sad smile.
  • ''It was your birthday yesterday, Dean.''
  • Oh.
  • I blink a few times at my name written on the cake, the letter “e” is a little slanted and blurry, but it's still possible to understand.
  • Vallie made this cake to celebrate my birthday, but I didn't come home.
  • Once, she asked me the date of my birthday and when I replied that I didn't celebrate it,Vallie insisted until I confessed. She remembered.
  • She made me a cake.
  • A chocolate and strawberry cake.
  • I'm ready to go to your room and apologize, but I'll stop by mine first and take a shower to get rid of the smell of the drink. When I knock on her door some time later, my phone vibrates and I answer the call from the hospital before she opens the door. Lily woke up.
  • I left it to talk to my stepdaughter later and rushed to the hospital in a hurry.
  • At night, Vallie finds out about her mother and accuses me of causing it. I allow her to scream, curse at me and even hit my chest.
  • Kiara had to leave to attend to a personal matter, which makes my stepdaughter and I the only ones in the house. After long minutes of discussion, she gives in and hugs me, crying like a child and declaring me her enemy.
  • ''I hate you so much, Dean.''
  • ''No dear. You're too good to hate someone.
  • She sniffles, grabbing my shirt.
  • ''So I love you. I love so much it hurts.''
  • I remain silent, not knowing how to respond to this.
  • I kiss her head and hold her tighter against my body.
  • Poor Vallie.
  • ''Either way, we'll sort it out.''
  • ''Promise?''
  • ''Promise.''