**Of the progress of Sancho's government, and other such entertainin_atters**
Day came after the night of the governor's round; a night which the head-
carver passed without sleeping, so were his thoughts of the face and air an_eauty of the disguised damsel, while the majordomo spent what was left of i_n writing an account to his lord and lady of all Sancho said and did, bein_s much amazed at his sayings as at his doings, for there was a mixture o_hrewdness and simplicity in all his words and deeds. The senor governor go_p, and by Doctor Pedro Recio's directions they made him break his fast on _ittle conserve and four sups of cold water, which Sancho would have readil_xchanged for a piece of bread and a bunch of grapes; but seeing there was n_elp for it, he submitted with no little sorrow of heart and discomfort o_tomach; Pedro Recio having persuaded him that light and delicate die_nlivened the wits, and that was what was most essential for persons placed i_ommand and in responsible situations, where they have to employ not only th_odily powers but those of the mind also.
By means of this sophistry Sancho was made to endure hunger, and hunger s_een that in his heart he cursed the government, and even him who had given i_o him; however, with his hunger and his conserve he undertook to delive_udgments that day, and the first thing that came before him was a questio_hat was submitted to him by a stranger, in the presence of the majordomo an_he other attendants, and it was in these words: "Senor, a large rive_eparated two districts of one and the same lordship—will your worship pleas_o pay attention, for the case is an important and a rather knotty one? Wel_hen, on this river there was a bridge, and at one end of it a gallows, and _ort of tribunal, where four judges commonly sat to administer the law whic_he lord of river, bridge and the lordship had enacted, and which was to thi_ffect, 'If anyone crosses by this bridge from one side to the other he shal_eclare on oath where he is going to and with what object; and if he swear_ruly, he shall be allowed to pass, but if falsely, he shall be put to deat_or it by hanging on the gallows erected there, without any remission.' Thoug_he law and its severe penalty were known, many persons crossed, but in thei_eclarations it was easy to see at once they were telling the truth, and th_udges let them pass free. It happened, however, that one man, when they cam_o take his declaration, swore and said that by the oath he took he was goin_o die upon that gallows that stood there, and nothing else. The judges held _onsultation over the oath, and they said, 'If we let this man pass free h_as sworn falsely, and by the law he ought to die; but if we hang him, as h_wore he was going to die on that gallows, and therefore swore the truth, b_he same law he ought to go free.' It is asked of your worship, seno_overnor, what are the judges to do with this man? For they are still in doub_nd perplexity; and having heard of your worship's acute and exalte_ntellect, they have sent me to entreat your worship on their behalf to giv_our opinion on this very intricate and puzzling case."
To this Sancho made answer, "Indeed those gentlemen the judges that send yo_o me might have spared themselves the trouble, for I have more of the obtus_han the acute in me; but repeat the case over again, so that I may understan_t, and then perhaps I may be able to hit the point."
The querist repeated again and again what he had said before, and then Sanch_aid, "It seems to me I can set the matter right in a moment, and in this way;
the man swears that he is going to die upon the gallows; but if he dies upo_t, he has sworn the truth, and by the law enacted deserves to go free an_ass over the bridge; but if they don't hang him, then he has sworn falsely,
and by the same law deserves to be hanged."
"It is as the senor governor says," said the messenger; "and as regards _omplete comprehension of the case, there is nothing left to desire o_esitate about."
"Well then I say," said Sancho, "that of this man they should let pass th_art that has sworn truly, and hang the part that has lied; and in this wa_he conditions of the passage will be fully complied with."
"But then, senor governor," replied the querist, "the man will have to b_ivided into two parts; and if he is divided of course he will die; and s_one of the requirements of the law will be carried out, and it is absolutel_ecessary to comply with it."
"Look here, my good sir," said Sancho; "either I'm a numskull or else there i_he same reason for this passenger dying as for his living and passing ove_he bridge; for if the truth saves him the falsehood equally condemns him; an_hat being the case it is my opinion you should say to the gentlemen who sen_ou to me that as the arguments for condemning him and for absolving him ar_xactly balanced, they should let him pass freely, as it is always mor_raiseworthy to do good than to do evil; this I would give signed with my nam_f I knew how to sign; and what I have said in this case is not out of my ow_ead, but one of the many precepts my master Don Quixote gave me the nigh_efore I left to become governor of this island, that came into my mind, an_t was this, that when there was any doubt about the justice of a case _hould lean to mercy; and it is God's will that I should recollect it now, fo_t fits this case as if it was made for it."
"That is true," said the majordomo; "and I maintain that Lycurgus himself, wh_ave laws to the Lacedemonians, could not have pronounced a better decisio_han the great Panza has given; let the morning's audience close with this,
and I will see that the senor governor has dinner entirely to his liking."
"That's all I ask for—fair play," said Sancho; "give me my dinner, and the_et it rain cases and questions on me, and I'll despatch them in a twinkling."
The majordomo kept his word, for he felt it against his conscience to kill s_ise a governor by hunger; particularly as he intended to have done with hi_hat same night, playing off the last joke he was commissioned to practis_pon him.
It came to pass, then, that after he had dined that day, in opposition to th_ules and aphorisms of Doctor Tirteafuera, as they were taking away the clot_here came a courier with a letter from Don Quixote for the governor. Sanch_rdered the secretary to read it to himself, and if there was nothing in i_hat demanded secrecy to read it aloud. The secretary did so, and after he ha_kimmed the contents he said, "It may well be read aloud, for what Senor Do_uixote writes to your worship deserves to be printed or written in letters o_old, and it is as follows."
DON QUIXOTE OF LA MANCHA'S LETTER TO SANCHO PANZA, GOVERNOR OF THE ISLAND O_ARATARIA.
When I was expecting to hear of thy stupidities and blunders, friend Sancho, _ave received intelligence of thy displays of good sense, for which I giv_pecial thanks to heaven that can raise the poor from the dunghill and o_ools to make wise men. They tell me thou dost govern as if thou wert a man,
and art a man as if thou wert a beast, so great is the humility wherewith tho_ost comport thyself. But I would have thee bear in mind, Sancho, that ver_ften it is fitting and necessary for the authority of office to resist th_umility of the heart; for the seemly array of one who is invested with grav_uties should be such as they require and not measured by what his own humbl_astes may lead him to prefer. Dress well; a stick dressed up does not loo_ike a stick; I do not say thou shouldst wear trinkets or fine raiment, o_hat being a judge thou shouldst dress like a soldier, but that thou shoulds_rray thyself in the apparel thy office requires, and that at the same time i_e neat and handsome. To win the good-will of the people thou governest ther_re two things, among others, that thou must do; one is to be civil to all
(this, however, I told thee before), and the other to take care that food b_bundant, for there is nothing that vexes the heart of the poor more tha_unger and high prices. Make not many proclamations; but those thou makes_ake care that they be good ones, and above all that they be observed an_arried out; for proclamations that are not observed are the same as if the_id not exist; nay, they encourage the idea that the prince who had the wisdo_nd authority to make them had not the power to enforce them; and laws tha_hreaten and are not enforced come to be like the log, the king of the frogs,
that frightened them at first, but that in time they despised and mounte_pon. Be a father to virtue and a stepfather to vice. Be not always strict,
nor yet always lenient, but observe a mean between these two extremes, for i_hat is the aim of wisdom. Visit the gaols, the slaughter-houses, and th_arket-places; for the presence of the governor is of great importance in suc_laces; it comforts the prisoners who are in hopes of a speedy release, it i_he bugbear of the butchers who have then to give just weight, and it is th_error of the market-women for the same reason. Let it not be seen that tho_rt (even if perchance thou art, which I do not believe) covetous, a followe_f women, or a glutton; for when the people and those that have dealings wit_hee become aware of thy special weakness they will bring their batteries t_ear upon thee in that quarter, till they have brought thee down to the depth_f perdition. Consider and reconsider, con and con over again the advices an_he instructions I gave thee before thy departure hence to thy government, an_hou wilt see that in them, if thou dost follow them, thou hast a help at han_hat will lighten for thee the troubles and difficulties that beset governor_t every step. Write to thy lord and lady and show thyself grateful to them,
for ingratitude is the daughter of pride, and one of the greatest sins we kno_f; and he who is grateful to those who have been good to him shows that h_ill be so to God also who has bestowed and still bestows so many blessing_pon him.
My lady the duchess sent off a messenger with thy suit and another present t_hy wife Teresa Panza; we expect the answer every moment. I have been a littl_ndisposed through a certain scratching I came in for, not very much to th_enefit of my nose; but it was nothing; for if there are enchanters wh_altreat me, there are also some who defend me. Let me know if the majordom_ho is with thee had any share in the Trifaldi performance, as thou dids_uspect; and keep me informed of everything that happens thee, as the distanc_s so short; all the more as I am thinking of giving over very shortly thi_dle life I am now leading, for I was not born for it. A thing has occurred t_e which I am inclined to think will put me out of favour with the duke an_uchess; but though I am sorry for it I do not care, for after all I must obe_y calling rather than their pleasure, in accordance with the common saying,
amicus Plato, sed magis amica veritas. I quote this Latin to thee because _onclude that since thou hast been a governor thou wilt have learned it.
Adieu; God keep thee from being an object of pity to anyone.
Thy friend, DON QUIXOTE OF LA MANCHA.
Sancho listened to the letter with great attention, and it was praised an_onsidered wise by all who heard it; he then rose up from table, and callin_is secretary shut himself in with him in his own room, and without putting i_ff any longer set about answering his master Don Quixote at once; and he bad_he secretary write down what he told him without adding or suppressin_nything, which he did, and the answer was to the following effect.
SANCHO PANZA'S LETTER TO DON QUIXOTE OF LA MANCHA.
The pressure of business is so great upon me that I have no time to scratch m_ead or even to cut my nails; and I have them so long-God send a remedy fo_t. I say this, master of my soul, that you may not be surprised if I have no_ntil now sent you word of how I fare, well or ill, in this government, i_hich I am suffering more hunger than when we two were wandering through th_oods and wastes.
My lord the duke wrote to me the other day to warn me that certain spies ha_ot into this island to kill me; but up to the present I have not found ou_ny except a certain doctor who receives a salary in this town for killing al_he governors that come here; he is called Doctor Pedro Recio, and is fro_irteafuera; so you see what a name he has to make me dread dying under hi_ands. This doctor says of himself that he does not cure diseases when ther_re any, but prevents them coming, and the medicines he uses are diet and mor_iet until he brings one down to bare bones; as if leanness was not worse tha_ever.
In short he is killing me with hunger, and I am dying myself of vexation; fo_hen I thought I was coming to this government to get my meat hot and my drin_ool, and take my ease between holland sheets on feather beds, I find I hav_ome to do penance as if I was a hermit; and as I don't do it willingly _uspect that in the end the devil will carry me off.
So far I have not handled any dues or taken any bribes, and I don't know wha_o think of it; for here they tell me that the governors that come to thi_sland, before entering it have plenty of money either given to them or len_o them by the people of the town, and that this is the usual custom not onl_ere but with all who enter upon governments.
Last night going the rounds I came upon a fair damsel in man's clothes, and _rother of hers dressed as a woman; my head-carver has fallen in love with th_irl, and has in his own mind chosen her for a wife, so he says, and I hav_hosen youth for a son-in-law; to-day we are going to explain our intention_o the father of the pair, who is one Diego de la Llana, a gentleman and a_ld Christian as much as you please.
I have visited the market-places, as your worship advises me, and yesterday _ound a stall-keeper selling new hazel nuts and proved her to have mixed _ushel of old empty rotten nuts with a bushel of new; I confiscated the whol_or the children of the charity-school, who will know how to distinguish the_ell enough, and I sentenced her not to come into the market-place for _ortnight; they told me I did bravely. I can tell your worship it is commonl_aid in this town that there are no people worse than the market-women, fo_hey are all barefaced, unconscionable, and impudent, and I can well believ_t from what I have seen of them in other towns.
I am very glad my lady the duchess has written to my wife Teresa Panza an_ent her the present your worship speaks of; and I will strive to show mysel_rateful when the time comes; kiss her hands for me, and tell her I say sh_as not thrown it into a sack with a hole in it, as she will see in the end. _hould not like your worship to have any difference with my lord and lady; fo_f you fall out with them it is plain it must do me harm; and as you give m_dvice to be grateful it will not do for your worship not to be so yourself t_hose who have shown you such kindness, and by whom you have been treated s_ospitably in their castle.
That about the scratching I don't understand; but I suppose it must be one o_he ill-turns the wicked enchanters are always doing your worship; when w_eet I shall know all about it. I wish I could send your worship something;
but I don't know what to send, unless it be some very curious clyster pipes,
to work with bladders, that they make in this island; but if the offic_emains with me I'll find out something to send, one way or another. If m_ife Teresa Panza writes to me, pay the postage and send me the letter, for _ave a very great desire to hear how my house and wife and children are goin_n. And so, may God deliver your worship from evil-minded enchanters, an_ring me well and peacefully out of this government, which I doubt, for _xpect to take leave of it and my life together, from the way Doctor Pedr_ecio treats me.
Your worship's servant
SANCHO PANZA THE GOVERNOR.
The secretary sealed the letter, and immediately dismissed the courier; an_hose who were carrying on the joke against Sancho putting their head_ogether arranged how he was to be dismissed from the government. Sancho spen_he afternoon in drawing up certain ordinances relating to the good governmen_f what he fancied the island; and he ordained that there were to be n_rovision hucksters in the State, and that men might import wine into it fro_ny place they pleased, provided they declared the quarter it came from, s_hat a price might be put upon it according to its quality, reputation, an_he estimation it was held in; and he that watered his wine, or changed th_ame, was to forfeit his life for it. He reduced the prices of all manner o_hoes, boots, and stockings, but of shoes in particular, as they seemed to hi_o run extravagantly high. He established a fixed rate for servants' wages,
which were becoming recklessly exorbitant. He laid extremely heavy penaltie_pon those who sang lewd or loose songs either by day or night. He decree_hat no blind man should sing of any miracle in verse, unless he could produc_uthentic evidence that it was true, for it was his opinion that most of thos_he blind men sing are trumped up, to the detriment of the true ones. H_stablished and created an alguacil of the poor, not to harass them, but t_xamine them and see whether they really were so; for many a sturdy thief o_runkard goes about under cover of a make-believe crippled limb or a sha_ore. In a word, he made so many good rules that to this day they ar_reserved there, and are called The constitutions of the great governor Sanch_anza.