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Chapter 2

  • **Which treats of the notable altercation which Sancho Panza had with Do_uixote's niece, and housekeeper, together with other droll matters**
  • The history relates that the outcry Don Quixote, the curate, and the barbe_eard came from the niece and the housekeeper exclaiming to Sancho, who wa_triving to force his way in to see Don Quixote while they held the doo_gainst him, "What does the vagabond want in this house? Be off to your own,
  • brother, for it is you, and no one else, that delude my master, and lead hi_stray, and take him tramping about the country."
  • To which Sancho replied, "Devil's own housekeeper! it is I who am deluded, an_ed astray, and taken tramping about the country, and not thy master! He ha_arried me all over the world, and you are mightily mistaken. He enticed m_way from home by a trick, promising me an island, which I am still waitin_or."
  • "May evil islands choke thee, thou detestable Sancho," said the niece; "Wha_re islands? Is it something to eat, glutton and gormandiser that thou art?"
  • "It is not something to eat," replied Sancho, "but something to govern an_ule, and better than four cities or four judgeships at court."
  • "For all that," said the housekeeper, "you don't enter here, you bag o_ischief and sack of knavery; go govern your house and dig your seed-patch,
  • and give over looking for islands or shylands."
  • The curate and the barber listened with great amusement to the words of th_hree; but Don Quixote, uneasy lest Sancho should blab and blurt out a whol_eap of mischievous stupidities, and touch upon points that might not b_ltogether to his credit, called to him and made the other two hold thei_ongues and let him come in. Sancho entered, and the curate and the barbe_ook their leave of Don Quixote, of whose recovery they despaired when the_aw how wedded he was to his crazy ideas, and how saturated with the nonsens_f his unlucky chivalry; and said the curate to the barber, "You will see,
  • gossip, that when we are least thinking of it, our gentleman will be off onc_ore for another flight."
  • "I have no doubt of it," returned the barber; "but I do not wonder so much a_he madness of the knight as at the simplicity of the squire, who has such _irm belief in all that about the island, that I suppose all the exposure_hat could be imagined would not get it out of his head."
  • "God help them," said the curate; "and let us be on the look-out to see wha_omes of all these absurdities of the knight and squire, for it seems as i_hey had both been cast in the same mould, and the madness of the maste_ithout the simplicity of the man would not be worth a farthing."
  • "That is true," said the barber, "and I should like very much to know what th_air are talking about at this moment."
  • "I promise you," said the curate, "the niece or the housekeeper will tell u_y-and-by, for they are not the ones to forget to listen."
  • Meanwhile Don Quixote shut himself up in his room with Sancho, and when the_ere alone he said to him, "It grieves me greatly, Sancho, that thou shoulds_ave said, and sayest, that I took thee out of thy cottage, when thou knowes_ did not remain in my house. We sallied forth together, we took the roa_ogether, we wandered abroad together; we have had the same fortune and th_ame luck; if they blanketed thee once, they belaboured me a hundred times,
  • and that is the only advantage I have of thee."
  • "That was only reasonable," replied Sancho, "for, by what your worship says,
  • misfortunes belong more properly to knights-errant than to their squires."
  • "Thou art mistaken, Sancho," said Don Quixote, "according to the maxim quand_aput dolet, etc."
  • "I don't understand any language but my own," said Sancho.
  • "I mean to say," said Don Quixote, "that when the head suffers all the member_uffer; and so, being thy lord and master, I am thy head, and thou a part o_e as thou art my servant; and therefore any evil that affects or shall affec_e should give thee pain, and what affects thee give pain to me."
  • "It should be so," said Sancho; "but when I was blanketed as a member, my hea_as on the other side of the wall, looking on while I was flying through th_ir, and did not feel any pain whatever; and if the members are obliged t_eel the suffering of the head, it should be obliged to feel thei_ufferings."
  • "Dost thou mean to say now, Sancho," said Don Quixote, "that I did not fee_hen they were blanketing thee? If thou dost, thou must not say so or thin_o, for I felt more pain then in spirit than thou didst in body. But let u_ut that aside for the present, for we shall have opportunities enough fo_onsidering and settling the point; tell me, Sancho my friend, what do the_ay about me in the village here? What do the common people think of me? Wha_o the hidalgos? What do the caballeros? What do they say of my valour; of m_chievements; of my courtesy? How do they treat the task I have undertaken i_eviving and restoring to the world the now forgotten order of chivalry? I_hort, Sancho, I would have thee tell me all that has come to thine ears o_his subject; and thou art to tell me, without adding anything to the good o_aking away anything from the bad; for it is the duty of loyal vassals to tel_he truth to their lords just as it is and in its proper shape, not allowin_lattery to add to it or any idle deference to lessen it. And I would hav_hee know, Sancho, that if the naked truth, undisguised by flattery, came t_he ears of princes, times would be different, and other ages would b_eckoned iron ages more than ours, which I hold to be the golden of thes_atter days. Profit by this advice, Sancho, and report to me clearly an_aithfully the truth of what thou knowest touching what I have demanded o_hee."
  • "That I will do with all my heart, master," replied Sancho, "provided you_orship will not be vexed at what I say, as you wish me to say it out in al_ts nakedness, without putting any more clothes on it than it came to m_nowledge in."
  • "I will not be vexed at all," returned Don Quixote; "thou mayest speak freely,
  • Sancho, and without any beating about the bush."
  • "Well then," said he, "first of all, I have to tell you that the common peopl_onsider your worship a mighty great madman, and me no less a fool. Th_idalgos say that, not keeping within the bounds of your quality of gentleman,
  • you have assumed the 'Don,' and made a knight of yourself at a jump, with fou_ine-stocks and a couple of acres of land, and never a shirt to your back. Th_aballeros say they do not want to have hidalgos setting up in opposition t_hem, particularly squire hidalgos who polish their own shoes and darn thei_lack stockings with green silk."
  • "That," said Don Quixote, "does not apply to me, for I always go well dresse_nd never patched; ragged I may be, but ragged more from the wear and tear o_rms than of time."
  • "As to your worship's valour, courtesy, accomplishments, and task, there is _ariety of opinions. Some say, 'mad but droll;' others, 'valiant but unlucky;'
  • others, 'courteous but meddling,' and then they go into such a number o_hings that they don't leave a whole bone either in your worship or i_yself."
  • "Recollect, Sancho," said Don Quixote, "that wherever virtue exists in a_minent degree it is persecuted. Few or none of the famous men that have live_scaped being calumniated by malice. Julius Caesar, the boldest, wisest, an_ravest of captains, was charged with being ambitious, and not particularl_leanly in his dress, or pure in his morals. Of Alexander, whose deeds won hi_he name of Great, they say that he was somewhat of a drunkard. Of Hercules,
  • him of the many labours, it is said that he was lewd and luxurious. Of Do_alaor, the brother of Amadis of Gaul, it was whispered that he was ove_uarrelsome, and of his brother that he was lachrymose. So that, O Sancho,
  • amongst all these calumnies against good men, mine may be let pass, since the_re no more than thou hast said."
  • "That's just where it is, body of my father!"
  • "Is there more, then?" asked Don Quixote.
  • "There's the tail to be skinned yet," said Sancho; "all so far is cakes an_ancy bread; but if your worship wants to know all about the calumnies the_ring against you, I will fetch you one this instant who can tell you th_hole of them without missing an atom; for last night the son of Bartholome_arrasco, who has been studying at Salamanca, came home after having been mad_ bachelor, and when I went to welcome him, he told me that your worship'_istory is already abroad in books, with the title of THE INGENIOUS GENTLEMA_ON QUIXOTE OF LA MANCHA; and he says they mention me in it by my own name o_ancho Panza, and the lady Dulcinea del Toboso too, and divers things tha_appened to us when we were alone; so that I crossed myself in my wonder ho_he historian who wrote them down could have known them."
  • "I promise thee, Sancho," said Don Quixote, "the author of our history will b_ome sage enchanter; for to such nothing that they choose to write about i_idden."
  • "What!" said Sancho, "a sage and an enchanter! Why, the bachelor Samso_arrasco (that is the name of him I spoke of) says the author of the histor_s called Cide Hamete Berengena."
  • "That is a Moorish name," said Don Quixote.
  • "May be so," replied Sancho; "for I have heard say that the Moors are mostl_reat lovers of berengenas."
  • "Thou must have mistaken the surname of this 'Cide'—which means in Arabic
  • 'Lord'—Sancho," observed Don Quixote.
  • "Very likely," replied Sancho, "but if your worship wishes me to fetch th_achelor I will go for him in a twinkling."
  • "Thou wilt do me a great pleasure, my friend," said Don Quixote, "for wha_hou hast told me has amazed me, and I shall not eat a morsel that will agre_ith me until I have heard all about it."
  • "Then I am off for him," said Sancho; and leaving his master he went in ques_f the bachelor, with whom he returned in a short time, and, all thre_ogether, they had a very droll colloquy.