Chapter 1

• My fingers pressed against the frosted glass as I looked out into the yard from my bedroom window. Uncle Gerald flicks a cigarette bud into the rose bushes, he thinks nobody sees him. I see him. Where were all of you when Dad needed you? A bunch of leeches thinking they'd been left something in his Will. My plain, black dress suffocates me.
• The door handle bangs against the wall as it flies open, "Do not embarrass me today! What are you sulking in this room for? We are all sad, but at least we're making an effort to mingle with the family." Wretched woman. I bite on my teeth till my jaw hurts, grab the hem of the ugly dress and push past her. I struggle to squeeze between all the leeches, some try to approach me, their pitiful faces turned down. I duck my head, dodging elbows and avoiding eye contact. I reach my destination, grabbing fistfuls of drumsticks, grapes and cheese on a paper plate and back out of the kitchen door.
• The ice burns my lungs and the dress is not appropriate for the weather or the event, but she insisted I wear it and I didn't have the strength to argue, not today. I'd much rather be in my hoodie and jeans, would've been warmer too. The spot under the tree, directly opposite my bedroom window, where Gerald was standing earlier, is the perfect spot to hide. My butt is soaked the moment it lands on the grass, but I don't care. Stretching my legs out in front of me I pop a grape in my mouth. A shadow looms overhead and I'm about to scream at Gerald to go and smoke somewhere else, when I look up, it isn't him. "Mind if I sit?" He asks.
• Benito Bennett, school's most handsome playboy. I cannot stand him. His nose is always in the air and he thinks he's untouchable. "I do mind," I say to him. He tests the grass as he crouches next to me, something I failed to do. He takes his blazer off, opens it and places it on the wet grass, then sits on the blazer. "Why did you ask if you were going to sit anyway?" I roll my eyes. "I'm not sharing." He shakes his head and frowns, "I know your Dad just died but is it necessary to be rude?" "I'm rude? I'm rude! Look who's talking! My Dad just died; how dare you speak to me like that?" I huff and get up, leaving my plate on the grass. "Arrrggghhh!" I clench my fists and storm off, back into the house among the leeches.
• I'll never trust that guy. Who does he think he is calling me rude at my Dad's funeral. Why is he here in the first place? He doesn't even like me. "There you are!" My mother says through her teeth. "How many times must I tell you to mingle?" she pushes me forward and I land into the chest of a broad-shouldered male. Backing away slowly, "Watch where you 're- " "Excuse me?" A smooth, thick voice like double cream pours out into my vague memory. As much as I want to, I cannot move. There are goosebumps on my arms and my hair is on end. No one will ever believe you. The voice in my head says. It's the same sultry voice that has terrified me my whole life.
• "Kyomi, you remember Blaze?" My mother comes up behind me and smiles at this vermin. "How can I forget?" I whisper. This makes Blaze smirk. He reaches out his hand to touch my arm. I try to slip away but my mother is still behind me. "Kyomi, watch it!" she says as I bump into her. This leaves Blaze with a perfect opening to grab my arm and pull me in for an embrace. For an outsider, this might look like a friendly hug from an older boy. In my ear, he whispers, “Now that daddy's out the way, we can finally be together and finish what we started." Tears blur my eyes as what he says hits me. My heart pounds like a drum within my chest and my only thought is run! Pulling hard, I take a step back. My foot stomps my mothers' and I don't stick around to hear the train of curse words. I run for the back door once again, bumping into every leech in my way.
• Once I reach the back yard I don't stop running. I run around the house and down the street. When I get to the main road, I slow down a little to jog. Looking around to see if I was followed. Relief washes over me. I follow the path of the road and head to no place in particular. 'You're a disgrace' my mother's voice in my head taunts me. How could she not have seen? How could she not know? Dad suspected something was wrong. He told Josh to not bring Blaze around me anymore. I taste the salt on my lips as my cheeks warm with tears. Mom doesn't believe anything I say. I didn't bother telling her anything.
• "You're a no good, lying troublemaker" Mom spits as she slams the door in my memory when I came home telling her that I saw her friend at the coffee shop. "Who was he with?" she asked "I dunno, some lady." "What lady?" her eyes wide "What did she look like?" "She had on a beige-short skirt, white blouse, long brown hair. .." "Ugh! You're such a liar, Kyomi!" She screams at me. "I'm not, she really did have brown hair," I say, not understanding what the fuss is about. "You're no good, lying troublemaker! How dare you accuse Jerry like that!" "I – didn't-, huh?" All I could do was stare at the crazed woman standing before me. I didn't know I was accusing anybody of anything.
• With the tears rolling down my face and the icy wind whipping my hair, I feel the water start to dry and cause my skin to flake. I find myself staring into a deep dark pit, and the pit is staring back at me. I didn't even know how I got here. My mind is still swirling with memories and my stomach is doing somersaults, threatening to expel the chicken I just ate. An image of Blake keeps flooding my vision on repeat. I find myself standing at the very edge, looking into the abyss.
• Kimberley is well known for The Big Hole. The Kimberlite diamond was mined here. The water below is dark green, the walls of the hole are layered with soil and rock. There is mining equipment in the distance. The Protea Hotel, with its' modern decorations and beautiful green lawn stands across the hole from where I am standing. Vaguely I see movement from the restaurant. The wind whips my jet-black hair into my face. My nose stings. My lips are dry and chapped.
• How freeing it would be to just let go and fly. To breathe in the cold fresh air, filling my lungs with it till it expands and burns before the ultimate drop to my certain death. Looking out over the thorn trees and bushes as the sun paints the skies and casts an orange and pink light before me, almost taunting. Daring me to jump. Daring me to choose. Life or death. It is a difficult choice. Should I choose to stay I'd have to face Blaze and my mother. Memory upon memory, like scenes from a movie, play before my eyelids as I squeeze them tight. Trying to forget the good and the bad. Trying to breathe but it's all too much.
• My decision is final. The wind whips my hair back. I take a deep breath and a step forward into the unknown.