Chapter 1

• Claire
• I put the folder on top of the rest with a bit more power than necessary and sighed. ‘Despair’ was my nickname at work, but now, I was starting to experience it for real. Work was piling up like chocolate on my thighs. Ugh. My head slumped and nearly hit my desk.
• “Is there a problem?” A voice on my right made me shoot up, and my blue eyes blinked at one of the marketing managers.
• “No,” I breathed out and wrung my hands. “There isn’t, Ms. Lewis. I—”
• “Miss Nelson, when will you bring me the report I asked for?” Mr. Stone yelled, interrupting me, as he jumped out of his office. The door still hadn’t closed, and he was already rushing to me like a bull towards a toreador.
• Was he going to crush me with his horns?
• Well, at least he didn’t use his favorite nickname for me.
• “Claire Despair!” He made me regret the brief relief I’d felt, and a few laughs from the adjacent desks echoed in my head. Mr. Stone humiliating me had turned into a daily event that everybody but me enjoyed. Thirty or so desks got ready to take out the popcorn and enjoy my mortification. They all ignored me and pretended everything was fine. Mitchel Stone was too big of a deal because of his rumored ties with some powerful sticks, and he easily fired employees. Nobody stood in his way even when they knew he was unjust to his people.
• I looked at the ground and bit my lip. I shouldn’t have gone to that teambuilding event last month. I was horrible at chess but to be nicknamed by the whole company Despair was... dreadful. Stonehead had started using it as a joke, and the people who didn’t know why he’d given it to me heard it, and… rumors started. Most of them consisted of me sucking at work, and now I was starting to wonder if that was true.
• Stonejerk’s dark blond head stomped through the desks and reached me, ready to scold me for something again. I couldn’t believe it’d been only a few months since I started working here, and I already was the marketing director’s victim. I was supposed to have no direct connection to him, but he decided to make me his personal slave/secretary. Was it because he knew I caught him and his real secretary on the stairs between the floors banging it out? Fuck, Claire, you and your endless curiosity. I shouldn’t have checked the weird smacking noise back then.
• My PMS made my crankiness shoot up, and boiling rage burst into my fingers. I. Must. Choke. This. Asshole.
• “What are you waiting for? Give me the report! The clients are coming!”
• He wanted me to quit, didn’t he? He was doing everything in his power to torment me as if it were my fault he fucked his own secretary during work hours. And she wasn’t the only one he had adventures with.
• ‘Dream Cruise’ had been my dream company, the goal I’d set I’d reach once I moved to Seattle, but reality often turned different from imagination. Now I knew that for sure.
• This wasn’t the beginning I wanted, so if I took a step back and quit, it wouldn’t be that much of a dealbreaker for me. I could find another job even if I had to beg until then.
• My cheeks burned with anger and resolve, and I slammed my hands on the folders I just put on the desk. They weighed quite a bit stacked like this. They could leave some damage on his newly worked-on nose and twist it to look like the pig he was.
• “Oh.” He widened his eyes in excitement when he saw Ms. Lewis next to me. She was his only subordinate he seldomly listened to and showed some respect to. “Samantha, you’re here.”
• I clenched the folders to slam them into his face, but another pair of hands pulled them from me and took the papers he required.
• “Here.” Samantha smiled at him and glanced at me. My raging blood slowed down to a summer rain. It wasn’t storming like a tornado anymore.
• My shoulders relaxed, and her red lips tilted up. Why did it feel like she saved me?
• Fuck.
• She literally did.
• I swallowed and watched them talk while I fought to regain my composure and calm down. I was crazy to quit when I had no savings or a back-up plan. Going back to my parents? Hell no.
• Stoneasshole spun and headed to his office with a bit more trot in his step. I pulled my lips in a straight line. He sure did seem happy he got the files for the meeting. Or was he happy because he saw Samantha?
• I turned to look at her and jumped when I noticed she was staring at me.
• “This was a close call.” She smiled, and her brown eyes told me she was aware of what I wanted to do. Goosebumps crawled on my skin, and I forced my hands not to move and scratch my elbow. Showing nervousness here was an auto goal.
• “What was?” I played dumb, and she chuckled. She seemed a bit different from the other employees here. Samantha was friendly and never laughed at my annoying nickname.
• “You need to relax, Claire,” she said, and I blinked. My eyebrows raised. “Let me help you with that. You need some fun. I and my team are going out on Friday evening. Come join us.”
• A beam of light filled me at her offer. Unbelievable. Out of all the people who worked here, a marketing manager decided to befriend me.
• “Sure…” I responded, wary.
• “See you then. I’ll send you the address on the mail.” She waved and followed the cocky dog, who was already waiting for her at the door of his office.
• My jaw hung low for a few long moments until I came to my senses and realized everybody was staring at me. Oh, I was definitely going out for a drink. Tonight.
• Time to blow off some steam.
• …
• Shoving the front door behind me, I tossed my bag on the shoe rack and kicked off my heels. I was making loud noise, but I didn’t care because the floor under me was empty. Less than thirty percent of this complex was occupied.
• I’d lost track of time, but I’d really needed to relax. Going to a club, even alone, made me feel like I wasn’t so lonely. All the human figures there reminded me people had fun and they did it together.
• I hiccupped, seeing double for a moment, and chaotic thoughts scrolled through my mind like a broken camera. What happened to my best friends from high school? I felt like it was another life when I knew them. They were nonexistent now. I hadn’t made many friends in college, either.
• Burning sparks rushed through my throat, and I swallowed them back. I hated to admit it, but I wasn’t exactly the social butterfly I wished to be. People were rough to talk to.
• On the other hand, I was good at picking places to live. Like this condo that I rented for an amazing price. I didn’t care about the rumors that surrounded the complex and the contractor. I was just a tenant who loved to dance around the room naked.
• I grinned to myself and pulled the zipper of my tight pencil skirt. It didn’t open fully, but that didn’t stop me from taking the annoying garment off and throwing it on the couch as I walked into the living room. Just breathing the air here gave me life and made my hips rock from side to side.
• Mr. Stone’s words from the rest of the day resonated in my head, Claire, you’re going to wear me into despair! Just by thinking about it, my skin prickled and triggered astounding fury that made my stomach revolt. I was going to throw up. And more precisely, on him.
• Just you wait, asshole! Stonehead!
• If things got out of hands and I got too tired of fighting for this job, I was going to sue him. I doubted he was ever clear of alcohol or suspicious substances at work, so that gave me even more reason to stock up with weapons against him.
• My chest clenched. The thing was, I was desperate for this job. Dang it, I was starting to hate this word. I grunted and slid my hands up my thighs, then my waist, and grabbed my satin white top. My fingers marveled at its sheer fabric. It’d cost nearly a third of my first wage. The crazy thought to sleep in it had invaded my mind the day I brought it home, but at the end, rationality had taken over. If I wanted to keep a high standard of life and afford these types of clothes, I had to hold on for at least a year in ‘Cruise Dream’ and then find a new job. It was all up to me and my perseverance.
• I pursed my red lips and threw the satin top on the couch next to the skirt. My hand was as gentle as possible, but it nearly fell on the laminate floor. Oh, well. It seemed I wasn’t Despair for nothing.
• My shoulders lifted, and I turned up the music in my head, getting into rhythm. Sometimes, I had to keep repeating to myself that moving here was worth it. Loneliness came with every new beginning, but it wasn’t going to continue forever.
• I teased the skin on my forearm with fingertips and did the same on my other arm, smirking at the move. I was a fucking genius, and nobody could make me think otherwise. I had all the necessary qualities to revert the despair from my name and, um, system, and live a full life here.
• Rolling on my toes, I giggled and watched as my long black hair swung around with me. Awesome. The moonlight danced on my flesh as joy sing-sang with me in my mind. Nobody could see what I did when I was home. I was free to— I stopped swirling and dancing around my couch as something from the neighboring house caught my attention.
• Light.
• The floor-to-ceiling windows were lit, and… there stood a figure that was facing me. Crap! I froze and put my hands over my thin thongs and padded bra.
• My gaze zeroed in on the person staring at me, and my throat dried up.