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Chapter 8 Slow Children

  • "Did you ever feel like you were a million miles from where you'd though_ou'd be when you grew up? Like you thought you were heading for a weekend i_egas, but ended up in Mongolia instead?"
  • Lulu was lying across the three wooden garage sale chairs they kept up fron_or customers. Her arm hung down and a lit American Spirit between her finger_ointed at the floor illuminating the scars on her arm with a faint red light.
  • "Sometimes," said Spyder. "But then I remember the scariest truth about bein_ grown up: that no one really knows anything. Maybe where most people want t_e is as wrong as where they end up."
  • "We've been taking our happy pills, I see," said Lulu. "Know what we never,
  • ever talked about: What did you really want to be when we was kids?"
  • Spyder stood up and stretched, saying, "That's easy. A private detective. Yo_now, a Sam Spade thing. The whole world'd be in black and white and th_treets would be slick with rain and lit like a film noir set."
  • "Sam Spade was always lonely and miserable, least in the movies."
  • "But at least he knew something. That makes him the exception."
  • "When I was a girl, I wanted to be Mary Magdalene," said Lulu. "The most hate_oman in the world, but Jesus saw her true heart and loved her for it. _anted that so much. To be hated by the riff-raff, but loved by that on_erfect, bright-eyed soul who knew me from the inside out. I used to jerk of_o the picture of Jesus over my bed. He looked just like Jim Morrison befor_he alcohol bloat." Lulu took a drag off her cigarette. Spyder still wasn'_ure how she was able to smoke with no lips. "When I realized I liked girl_ore, I jerked off imagining Jesus fucking Mary Magdalene. I was Jesus, o_ourse. I wonder, does that make me narcissistic?"
  • "No, you're more like Mother Teresa."
  • "I'd have fucked Mother Teresa."
  • "You'd have fucked Nancy Reagan if she'd of held still."
  • "If she was in that pink Jackie O outfit she wore to Ronnie's secon_nauguration, hell yes. I'd've bent her over the big desk in the Oval Offic_nd slipped her the high hard one next to the Bible Ronnie had Oliver Nort_ive the Iranians. Hell, I'd have bent Ollie over, too. Gotta love a man in _niform."
  • "You're a damned pervert, Lulu."
  • "What's Dennis Hopper say in Blue Velvet? `Don't toast to my health, toast t_y fuck.'"
  • "I wouldn't be Dennis Hopper," said Spyder. "I'd be Orson Welles. He can act,
  • write, direct, he married Rita Hayworth and you know, deep in his heart, he'_ stone killer."
  • "That arty fuck never has happy endings. He's always dead or betrayed."
  • "Yeah, but we all end up there if we live long enough. I love the guy'_ertainty. He was willing to ruin himself for whatever he was doing. That'_he definition of balls." Spyder checked the door again to make sure it wa_ocked, then turned on the light in the studio. Lulu shielded her paper eye_nd softly said, "Shit."
  • "So, what happens now?" asked Spyder. "Do we open up tomorrow like nothing'_ifferent?"
  • "Things are only different if you act like they're dif-ferent."
  • "Bullshit. Everything's different."
  • "I've been exactly what I am for years and it didn't affect things. Why shoul_hat change now?"
  • "That was before," Spyder said, groping for words. "I was going to say th_orld has changed, but it hasn't. I'm changed. And I fucking hate it. I tak_ack what I said about Sam Spade and knowing things. I enjoyed my ignorance.
  • Give me three wishes and that's what I'd ask for first."
  • "Reality sucks," said Lulu sitting up on the chairs. "But, if you wait lon_nough, everything becomes normal. You'll see."
  • Looking out the studio window onto Haight Street, Spyder watched the peopl_utside going through their happy, blind lives. Couples were going to dinner,
  • ducking into bars. On the corner, a girl with blue hair was kissing a boy in _op shirt and vinyl shorts. Softly Spyder sang, "When I'm lyin' in my bed a_ight, I don't wanna grow up, Nothin' ever seems to turn out right, I don'_anna grow up." He looked at Lulu. "Know that song?"
  • "Tom Waits. Jenny gave me the CD for my birthday."
  • "When I see the price that you pay, I don't wanna grown up, I don't ever wann_e that way, I don't wanna grow up… " For the first time, Spyder was glad tha_enny had left him. He couldn't imagine trying to explain all this to her.
  • Where was she right that second? Was she happy? He hoped so.