Chapter 1 Florence

• October 12
• Have you ever indulged in your own sexual fantasies without realizing where the urge to do so is actually coming from? It just seems like such a strong need and desire.
• The lust.
• Sinfully, I have.
• More often than any other woman would, I mean who would admit, I have always considered having sex in my daily life. I am not claiming to be a sex addict because I have only engaged in it mostly with Clinton. Yes, that dick is a year older than me; we met in college when I was a freshman and he was a sophomore.Clinton Dirk is a kind of nice guy, but he takes himself too seriously and believes that everyone is fooled into thinking that he radiates big dick energy when, in reality, he lacks the penis-related skills of the porn stars I see on those websites. Due to the fact that I was a virgin during our six-month relationship, we did not actually have sex right away.
• Virgin girl who dated a guy that is way too out of her league.
• Apart from the fact that his father is the chancellor and that he is obscenely wealthy, Clinton's popularity among students was due to the fact that he is actually quite attractive and exudes the kind of bad boy charm that all of the female students on campus have fallen for. He is comparable to a pizza, and every woman wants a slice. The majority of the people I know on campus have been saying that he only dated me because he was aware of my virginity and that I was only there as a wager among his foolish friends.
• And damn right he did.
• He had the guts to actually call it off by saying that I was the problem and that the relationship was not working out before I had a chance to end it after learning I was only a bet.
• I mean like come on, the audacity that that asshole has for blaming it on me.
• We only had sex thrice and he has always told me that I was plain, boring and that I lacked experience.
• He was aware that he was my first in sex and that I had no prior experience with any penises before, but he still used that excuse and blame against me, which hurt like a fucking hard brick.
• Since he had never been dumped before with the previous women he has had in high school, or perhaps because he did not want to ruin his reputation by being dumped by a girl like me, I have a sneaking suspicion that I know why he had to do it. So, to be completely honest, he dumped me to put me in that place where he was the right person in the relationship and that I was wrong.
• God, I hated him.
• And I still hate him.
• Because when you come to think about it, my first ever boyfriend only dated me for a stupid bet that is only to get my virginity and he actually won it because I allowed him to have it and allowed him to freaking fool me easily.
• Now that is a complete shit ass.
• Jesus Christ, you may think that I am such a boring person with such a boring sex life. Well, that is not really far from the truth. You are not wrong if you think that way because as far as I know, I do have such a boring sex life and it sucks.
• You know why it sucks?
• Because I am young and I am supposed to enjoy and explore my sexuality just like how other women like me would do, but after Clinton, it was so hard to open up to guys because it is not that easy getting called simple, boring, and lacking experience.
• It kind of hurt my female ego and my vagina was no longer wanting more dicks to enter.
• So there is that.
• Despite the fact that I am abstaining from any length, form, and color of a penis, I am actually active on my own.
• There are ways to get pleased without having a man.
• That is why I indulge myself in watching porn videos and spend most of my time with my very good and handy friend named Tom, my vibrator, named after the super hot Tom Hiddleston.
• I have been deprived of having penile sex probably because I have not really been sexually attracted to any man yet. Unlike other college women who are out and about every weekend and meeting random guys who will drill their vaginas, I work my ass off to save money to pay for my student loan as soon as possible and to help my sister have her rehabilitative exercises which cost a lot of money.
• I wish I could say that I am sexually active with high adrenaline and stamina, but I could not, because aside from my finger, my vibrator and my other sex toys, I have not really allowed anyone to fuck me.
• I have not seen a penis in front of me for years so I cannot tell if the experience I only have are porn based is above average.
• I am a sexual person and I love the thought of fucking.
• It is just that I am constantly thinking about sex and a freaking penis, even though it sounds so wrong coming from a woman, but I admit to that. I have always wanted to explore my sexuality after being called boring, it is just that, there is this fear that I might or I will never be able to satisfy any guy that I am going to try to please.
• And it sucks!
• That fear is holding me back from time to time and it sounds so stupid.
• I know, absolutely and horrifyingly stupid.
• I could literally just hook up with any guy at any time of the day and get it over with but aside from the fact that there’s that fear, it is very hard to find a man that actually makes me turn on like an instant switch.
• God, where can I find that kind of guy?!
• Guys in the university are just trying so hard to be too hot and others are just plain assholes.
• I want a man to make me feel that certain high where it seems like I am overflowing on methamphetamine or I am on extreme ecstasy.
• That toe-curling, leg shaking, and sheet-grabbing kind of sex.
• The one that is on porn which--
• "Hello? Miss?"
• I snapped myself out of my own sexual world and pushed my laptop to the side as I remembered that I am working in a book shop. I quickly recovered and forced a smile on my face, "Sorry, hi."
• She rolled her eyes at me before she pushed a book forward, "I really need the 8th edition for this book and I have scanned all shelves but there is none."
• "Oh."
• "Yeah, oh." She mocked. "Can you help me find it?"
• "I would look for it." I answered her nicely and thought to myself that I am being a pushover again. "Give me a second." I search onto our list of books online and after about a minute or two, I pull my head back to the woman as I respond, "I am sorry but the edition that you are looking for was actually bought yesterday."
• "Oh that sucks." She says softly with disappointment in her eyes.
• "Yeah, oh." I kind of mocked her back with the same tone of voice she used against me.
• "Excuse me?" She arches a brow.
• I forced another smile, "I can actually call up our other branch to check if they have it." I tried.
• "Lovely!" She chimes happily but after five minutes of waiting, her smile turns to a frown. "You know what, this is an absolute waste of time!"
• "I am sorry but they are the ones who are not answering the calls"
• "Yeah, whatever. That is fine." She forces a smile on her face. "I will just Google this or something." She leaves even before I can even respond.
• I glance at the book that she left and sighed as I grab it from the counter and begin to walk up to the second floor where she had gotten it from. Some students who come over are annoying in ways that they do not return the books they get from the shelves, knowing they’re responsible for returning them. It is written all over this bookshop.
• I do not really complain about my part-time job, because work is really easy. Moreover, I can do my research here for free and I can read books when I want to without paying them, even though the salary is not that big the work environment is really a place to be. Mrs. Allison is just awesome.
• I halted as soon as I overhear two college kids talking about working for extra tips for the break and as I continued to eavesdrop, I hear them discussing choosing to work as a plain Jane waitress in a diner, signing up as a nanny, or a dancer in a club. The third one is not that bad when it comes to cash but the work itself is just too much to take in.
• Everyone’s been eager to slave for work for hours just for extra tips for the upcoming Spring break since most students are eyeing a wonderful getaway and spend the days partying and getting drunk and high off their asses. Every single one who is no longer dependent on their parents is thriving to earn money as soon as possible.
• Easy money.
• I have heard that some female college students have been selling their vaginas for extra cash, some are even selling illegal drugs and the thought of that frightens me. I could not even afford to see myself getting paid for sex.
• I mean, me? Getting paid for sex? Hell, I have not even teased a guy before nor do I have no idea how to ride a dick.
• Although giving myself away for money would be a very good way to practice the skills that I have learned from watching too much porn, I just do not see myself doing that. Also, it is preposterous to just be involved in something like prostitution for that petty reason.
• The money will not blind me.