Chapter 33

• The firmness of my words leaves Josh confused, even I believed them myself, as if I didn't care about anything, as if I didn't care about his presence. But it's the opposite, I'm so nervous. The anticipation of knowing what he will say leaves me in anxiety, having him in my house at least for a few moments makes me feel exposed.
• After dinner I shower to put on something more decent, I don't want to look too dressed up, I don't want to reflect that I'm worried about looking appropriate. So I put on a simple casual dress and a touch of makeup. Anne will be in her room for the duration of the meeting which I hope is short and there are no surprises that might keep cutting my pulse.
• I walk from side to side in the living room as my brother watches me absorbed in thought, my index fingernail so eaten that it begins to burn. The cravings threaten to make me lose my sanity until we hear the apartment doorbell and my breath catches.