Knowing that we are in the same house, breathing the same air was enough for me to be bothered. I really tried my best to avoid him but for how long can I do that?
I know I can't keep this routine for long, waking up earlier, walking in the house very carefully like someone is on watch and so on.
My room is the only safe place for me then.
I felt very relieved when I don't see him around. Bumping him out of nowhere will surely give me a heart attack but I can't deny the part of me wanting to see him and talk to him.
Those were one of my wishes, to see him and to know-how was his life growing up but what did I just do last night?
Listening to myself, I became confused. James was right, I was too serious. Serious of what? I don't even know the answer to that question.
I let myself fall to sleep and a beautiful dream happened, but it always ends up crying when I wake up. It was the day when he left.
My heart went heavy for real. I realized that James was the very first person to hurt me, for ten long years until now and being mean to him was sort of my revenge.
Just like the other nights after that same dream, I cried. I was crying not knowing what's causing the pain. Can eight years old be possibly in love?
I was laughing at Mira when she told me that I was in love. Maybe she was right, a person can't just be hurt without a reason.
I went outside knowing the possibility that he is just in any corner of the house. I want some fresh air; I don't like to sleep and be in that dream again.
Staying in this house did not really help me but there is a part of me that says it is important and I go with that. Our memories were here that I just can't let go even if it keeps on hurting me.
Leaving me was the only sad part, the rest were happy memories.
I sighed and breathed deeply waiting for my tears to finally dry in the dark. I was looking in the sky absentmindedly not knowing that James was there until he made himself known.
"Now tell me you are not lonely." He said which really surprised me.
His tone was sad if I'm not mistaken.
"James," I said almost in a whisper.
"What are you doing here, Lily?" He asked.
Good thing it was dark. He cannot see my eyes red from crying.
"I needed some air." My answer.
"Do you find it hard to sleep?" He asked again.
"Yes," I replied.
How can a simple conversation with him make me relaxed? He was in good distance from me, yet his presence was comforting.
"Lily, can I ask one question?"
"What is it, James?" My heart started to race as I'm anticipating his question.
"Did you ever forget about me?" And his question really stirred something inside me.
I looked at him trying to make out what his real emotion, but the darkness is not much of a help. I only see sadness which infected me as my heart clenches looking at the sad man or was it just the darkness that made him?
"Did you ever forget about me?" He raised the same question again and I answered him honestly.
"Good to hear." He said as he turns his back at me.