"We have your records. A clean bill of health. You may wear protection or not it is strictly up to you."
"Can you tell me what I will be doing?"
Pamela laughed and smiled a little. "So you want me to spoil the fun?"
"Well no, I just thought... never mind."
"I'll give you a hint. He will take you on a journey of self discovery. In order to enjoy the fruits of the labor you must know yourself."
"Let me ask you this?"
"Okay." I was wondering what she was going to ask.
"Have you ever been with another woman? Masterbated in front of your partner or fantasized about being with another woman or multiple men or women?"
"No of course not." That was a loaded question. I wasn't some type of freaky deaky girl. A real lady didn't do those types of things. I was a one man woman.
"Would you be willing to do those things?" She looked at me so serious I squirmed a little.
"I never thought about it. I don't know." Who knows I could be an undercover freak? Yikes!!!
"Are you willing to be a submissive. Have you ever experienced a dominant/ submissive relationship?"
"No, I haven't. It always been... what do you call it,... yes vanilla sex. I have only been with two men. One was a long term relationship and the other was a onetime deal."
"The one time deal, do you ever think about it. Have you spoken to him or her since you two were together?"
"No, I was drunk. I did it in a public place. He gave me his card and I lost it. I don't remember what happened to it. It was stupid of me to even do it. Now I can't seem to get him off my mind."
"So you are into voyeurism?"
"It was a once in a lifetime thing. I don't do this on a regular bases."
"It's okay. I'm not judging you. We become hard on ourselves when we do something out of our comfort zone. I'm sure you're use to sex on a hard surface or the same old patterns. You won't get that here. You will have to open up your mind to experience things that may frighten you at first but will open you up to many different curiosities."
"Alexis thinks I need this therapy."
"Everyone needs this every once in a while. Everyone has a sexual appetite; it's part of human nature. Every living thing wants to be loved and they have sexual relations. You don't have to feel bad because you want to experience things that some people might find offensive. There is nothing wrong with experimenting with your partner and learning each other's erogenous zones. It brings about a whole new understanding and a wonderful bonding experience."
"Pamela you seem to know a lot about this?"
"I have a PhD in psychology. I specialize in sexual psychology. I have been doing this for many years. It's okay to be scared at first and a little weary. If you ever feel uncomfortable, you do not have to go along with it."
"What happens if you don't have any imagination? I had to write down my sexual fantasies and I drew a blank. Most women I know would have written a book. I don't think I can be helped. Hell my last boyfriend told me I was boring." I could feel my eyes starting to water.
"You were boring because he didn't bring out the creativity within you. Why do women have to do all the work? I will let you in on a little secret. It's about confidence. You have to be comfortable with your body. We have seen you in action at work. You need to bring that same confidence to the bedroom, but also you have to maintain your femininity."
"I think I can do that. I try to work out to keep myself in shape but there are a few spots I hate."
"We all do, but we have to love every inch of our bodies. God made us this way for a reason. How can we expect a man to love our bodies if we don't."
She was right. Ian made me feel sexy.
"It's okay to feel sexual. When you were with your last guy what happened?"
"I felt a sexual connection to him."
"You felt it because you knew what you wanted. He fed off your vibe. Our bodies give off pheromones that send signals to the brain. The brain is the most erotic part of your body. People think it is the sexual areas but the mind is what leads us to the sexual pleasure and other erogenous zones. This is where the confidence comes from."
She was very informative.
"What Blaze and I have decided to do is to start with the beginning. By the end of the week, we hope you will be able to conquer your sexual appetite and be more open with your sexuality. By doing this it will also help you in your professional life."
"Everyone thinks I'm a bitch." I said. I knew what they called me, but it was hard being a successful black woman at my young age. People thought I was bougie and acted white because of my education and upbringing. I wasn't from the so called "hood" so sometimes my own people looked at me differently.
"People normally talk about you for different reasons. Either they are jealous of you or they don't have a life. Let them talk. You know who you are and what you are. Don't sweat the small stuff."
I couldn't help but laugh.
She pushed her papers together. "Just remember you can't expect a man to love you if you don't love yourself," she said smiling. "The fun will begin tonight. I suggest you get some rest. Dinner will be served at eight. It was a joy to met you. Remember open your mind to the possibilities and I promise you will not be disappointed." She touched my shoulder and walked away.
I sat back back in the chair scared, nervous and horny at the same time. I couldn't wait to start my adventures in Wonderland.